1. 簡短的英語笑話
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了?” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆,”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子,”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢?” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 (2) nest n.窩;巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓勵 (5) resemble v. 相似;類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢?”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒,老師,只看到鳥窩。”
那孩子回答說。 “那么,你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦,老師,就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎?”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的,親愛的,”她回答說,“你問這個干什么?” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口,一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來,沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳,仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她,她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下,對我擠了一下眉,說道:“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎?” 英語笑話(一) Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧? Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定會生氣的;而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼,他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail(蝸牛)的后背上總是背著一所房子,所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢? Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語,你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀!因為除了這個意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者(sleepwalker)夢游(walk in his sleep)呢?最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢游者醒著呢,他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話(二) He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話(三) Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久,到一家。
2. 簡單的英語小笑話(帶翻譯)
1、Boy:?Is?this?seat?empty??Girl:?Yes?and?this?one?will?be?if?you?sit?down.?男孩:這個座位是空的么??女孩:是的,如果你坐下,我的座位也將是空的。
??2、Boy:?Can?I?buy?you?a?drink??Girl:?Actually?I'd?rather?have?the?money.?男孩:我可以給你買杯飲料嗎??女孩:你不如直接把錢給我得了。?3、My?little?dog?can't?read?Mrs.?Brown:?Oh,?my?dear,?I?have?lost?my?precious?little?dog!?Mrs.?Smith:?But?you?must?put?an?advertisement?in?the?papers!??Mrs.?Brown:?It's?no?use,?my?little?dog?can't?read.? 我的狗不識字。
布朗夫人:哦,?親愛的,我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!?史密斯夫人:可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!?布朗夫人:沒有用的,我的小狗不認識字。”4、My?Wife?Will?Exchange?Them。
A?gentleman?walks?into?a?store?and?asked?for?a?pair?of?gloves.???″Cloth?or?leather﹖″?asked?the?salesperson.??″Makes?no?difference?″replied?customer.???″What?color﹖″?asked?the?clerk.??″Any″?he?responded.? ″Size﹖″?″Give?me?whatever?you?prefer″?the?gentleman?said?slightly?exasperated.?″My?wife?will?be?back?tomorrow?to?exchange?them.″? 反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。
?“您是要布的還是皮的?”售貨員問。?“沒什么區別。”
這位顧客回答。?“那您要什么顏色的呢?”售貨員又問。
“什么顏色都成。”他回答。
?“號碼呢?”?“您就隨便給我拿一副吧,”這位顧客有點不耐煩了,“反正我太太明天都會來換的。”?5、A??physics?Examination,Once?in?a?physics?examination,?Nick?finished?the?first?question?very?soon,?while?his?classmates?were?thinking?it?hard.??The?question?was:?When?it?thunders?why?do?we?see?the?lighting?first,?then?hear?the?thunder?rolls???? Nick's?answer:?Because??our?eyes?are?before?ears.??? 一次物理考試。
在一次物理考試時,當同學們都還在苦思冥想時,尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是:為什么在打雷時,我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲?尼克的回答是:因為眼睛在前,耳朵在后。
??6、Jim's?History?Examination。Uncle:?How?did?Jim?do?in?his?history?examination?Mother:?Oh,?not?at?all?well,?but?there,?it?wasn't?his?fault.?They?asked?him??things?that?happened?before?the?poor?boy?was?born.??? 吉姆的歷史考試。
舅舅:吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎么樣?母親:唉,糟透了。可話又說回來,這也不能怪他。
嗨,他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。?7、he?is?really?somebody。
--?My?uncle?has?1000?men?under?him.?--?He?is?really?somebody.?What?does?he?do?--?A?maintenance?man?in?a?cemetery.??? 他真是一個大人物。--?我叔叔下面有1000個人。
--?他真是一個大人物。干什么的?--?墓地守墓人。
擴展資料:笑話具有篇幅短小,故事情節簡單而巧妙,往往出人意料,給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象,具有諷刺性和娛樂性。
其趣味有高下之分。人類歷史上,人自從有了語言,就已經出現了開玩笑的語言,最早,人們以口相傳,后來有了文字,許多笑話便被記載下來,編書成冊。
但還有很多笑話,是流傳于民間的,就當今社會,每天都有很多笑話出現,有心人如果收集,我想將來一定會有價值。同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。
隨著近十年網絡和手機的飛速發展,隨之出現了網絡笑話,網絡流行語,給力大全,手機笑話,雷人語句,笑料聯盟等,促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。參考資料:搜狗百科:笑話。
3. 簡單 短的 幽默的英語笑話
Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 為我所用 一頭大象對一只小老鼠說:“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。” “請再說一遍,讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。“我要講給我認識的一只跳蚤聽。 Too Fast or Too Slow A man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him. "Was I driving too fast,officer?"the man asked. "NO,"the policeman answered,"You were flying too slow." 太慢或太快 一個男人正在以130英里每小時的速度行駛,當一個警察看見他時, 他問:“我開的太快了嗎?警官。” “不”,警察說,“你飛的太慢了。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了?” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆,”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子,”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢?” “她是個賣糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 (2) nest n.窩;巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓勵 (5) resemble v. 相似;類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。 “是什么鳥呢?”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒,老師,只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。 “那么,你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵她道。 “哦,老師,就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we po
4. 最簡單的英語笑話
I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我負責 一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動,這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊,跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
“快點,小姐!”他喊道:“請把門關上。” “噢,我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”
她回答道。 “請把門關上好了,”列車員說:“其余的事由我負責。”
Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠藥 鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生,醫生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥,睡得很好,在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室,遛達進去,對老板說:“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了?” A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. "What's in here?" he asked. "Dirt," the driver replied. "Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them." Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go. A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck. "What's in the bags this time?" he asked. "Dirt, more dirt." said the man. Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil. The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time." Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars." 走私犯 一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境,哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時,驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。
“里面裝的是什么?”他問道。 “土。”
司機回答。 “把袋子拿出來”,哨兵命令道:“我要檢查。”
那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實,口袋里除了土以外,別無他特。
哨兵很不情愿地讓他通過了。 一周后,那人又來了,哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。
“這次袋子里裝的是什么?”他問道。 “土,又運了一些土。”
那人回答。 哨兵不相信,對那些袋子又進行了檢查,結果發現,除了土以外,仍舊一無所獲。
同樣的事情每周重演一次,一共持續了六個月。最后,哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣,干脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。
有天夜里,那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧,下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說,“我說,老兄,你要是能幫我一個忙,今晚的酒就歸我請客。
你能不能告訴我,那段時間你到底在走私什么東西?” 那人俯身過來,湊近侍者的耳朵,裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說:“汽車。” Skunk "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?" "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open." Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher. "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!" 臭 鼬 “我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬,”打電話的人對警察調度員尖叫道。
“我們怎樣才能把它弄出來?” “弄一些面包屑,”調度員說,“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開。”
一段時間后,那位居民又將電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎?”調度員問。
“沒有,”打電話的人答道,“現在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。” Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性 垂釣者:你已經盯著看了三個小時了,你干嘛不自己親自釣呢? 旁觀者:我沒那耐性。
Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. 。
5. 簡單的英語笑話
we two who and who?
咱倆誰跟誰阿
you don't bird me,I don't bird you
你不鳥我,我也不鳥你
you me you me
彼此彼此
know is know noknow is noknow
知之為知之,不知為不知…
.American Chinese not enough
美中不足
.go past no mistake past
走過路過,不要錯過
小明:I am sorry!
老外:I am sorry too!
小明:I am sorry three!
老外:What are you sorry for?
小明:I am sorry five!
I call Li old big. toyear 25.
我叫李老大,今年25。
.you have two down son。
你有兩下子。
6. 最簡單的英語笑話
* Old Is She? A woman was having some trouble with her heart, so she went to see the * was a new doctor, and did not know her. so he first asked some questions, and one of them was , "How old are you?" "Well," she answered, "I don't remember. doctor, but I will try to think." She thought for a minute and then said, "Yes. I remember now, doctor! When I married, I was eighteen years old, and my husband was thirty. Now my husband is sixty, I know. And that is twice thirty. So I am twice eighteen. That is thirty-six, isn't it?" * Did You lose Your Way? Mrs Brown's old grandfather lived with her and her husband. Every morning he went for a walk in the park and came home at half past twelve for his lunch. But one morning a police car stopped outside Mrs Brown's house at twelve o'clock, and two policemen helped Mr Brown to get out. One of them said to Mrs Brown, "The poor old gentleman lost his way in the park and telephoned to us for help, so we sent a car to bring him home. " Mrs Brown was very surprised, but she thanked the policemen and they left. "But, Grandfather, " she then said , "you have been to that park nearly every day for twenty years. How did you lose your way there?" The old man smiled ,closed one eye and said, "I didn't quite lose my way. I just got tired and I didn't want to walk home ! " * frying-pan One morning a man was crossing a narrow bridge when he saw a fisherman on the shady bank of the deep, smooth river under him,so he stopped to watch him quietly. After a few minutes, the fisherman pulled his line in. There was a big, fat fish at the end of it. The fisherman took it off the hook and threw it back into the water. Then he put his hook and line in again. After a few more minutes he caught another big fisb. Again he threw it back into the river. Then, the third time, he caught a small fish. He put it into his basket and started to get ready to go. The man on the bridge was very surprised, so he spoke to the fisherman. He said, "Why did you throw those beautiful, big fish back into the water and keep only that small one?" The fisherman looked up and answered, "Small frying-pan. " A: " Are you a Nut?" B: "Nut?" B: "How to spell it?" A: "I-T, it".————————————————————————Watering Flower In Rain Tom:Why doyou have that watering can? Dan:I'm going to water the flowers. Tom:But it'd raining. Dan:That's OK.I'm wear-ing my raincoat. 雨天澆花 湯姆:你拿噴壺做什么? 丹:我要去澆花。
湯姆:可是,在下雨呀! 丹:沒關系,我穿著雨衣呢。
7. 最簡單又最搞笑的英語笑話
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.*(見注) Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right 。
real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.。
8. 簡短的英語小笑話
hey Are Directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was * mady out of * last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. * directly from America. ”