華閱文章網1.英語小笑話、故事,帶翻譯,簡短,一分鐘左右能說完的
One or TwoCustomer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my *:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.顧客：服務員，我盤子里怎么只有一塊肉？服務員：先生，請稍候，我去把它切成兩塊。
Father and Son Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?Dad: That happens in every country, son.兒子：爸爸，聽說在非洲的一些地方男人在結婚前根本不認識他的妻子。父親：孩子，實際上所有的國家都是這樣的。
It dependsTraveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.旅行者：我還能趕上3點鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎？售票員：那得看你跑得有多快。火車15分鐘前開出。
To be on the Safe SideIn a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（門廳，大廳） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at *, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問坐在首位的那位男士道：對不起，請問我剛才出去的時候是踩著你的腳嗎？是的，不過沒什么關系，一點也不疼。
噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。
2.1分鐘左右的英語小笑話,要簡單點的`
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000." "No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head. 一個禿頭的男人坐在理發店里。
發型師問：“有什么可以幫你嗎？”那個人解釋說：“我本來要去做頭發移植，但實在太疼了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給你5000美元。”
“沒問題，”發型師說，然后他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。
3.有什么英語笑話（1分鐘的,簡單點
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我負責 一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
“快點，小姐！”他喊道：“請把門關上。” “噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”
她回答道。 “請把門關上好了，”列車員說：“其余的事由我負責。”
4.有什么英語笑話（1分鐘的,簡單點
I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back，”列車員說。”
“噢.", "and I'll see to the rest; called the guard. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh; he shouted,", miss.
", please，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”她回答道。
“請把門關上好了.
"!"！”他喊道：“請把門關上；
其余的事由我負責
一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
“快點，小姐：“其余的事由我負責， talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage;Come on;You just shut that door
5.急求經典 英語 小笑話,難度不要太高,要簡短,1分鐘左右讀完
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.? ? As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to ?sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg ation. "All who want to go to heaven,please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be ?seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."? ? Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in ?the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ?ones for it."瞌睡者 ? 牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”
所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來！”打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。
看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。?這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。
6.短篇英語笑話（初一）一分鐘
TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。
" DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?" "No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim. 你爸爸幫你了嗎？ 一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興 ，同時也十分驚訝。
他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都 做對了，怎么回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？" "不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。" 英語幽默笑話Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 圣誕節英語笑話Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students. 祝老師圣誕節充滿平安和愛。
Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year! May the season bring much pleasure to you. 愿你的圣誕光彩奪目，愿你的新年燦爛輝煌！佳節快樂！ Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas season. 愿你擁有圣誕節所有美好的祝福。 Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season. 祝節日幸福如意。
Hope all your Christmas dreams come true！ 愿你所有的圣誕夢想都成真！ 英語短笑話一：She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didn"t sayanything.” 二：I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”。
7.英語小笑話、故事,帶翻譯,簡短,一分鐘左右能說完的
One or Two
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.
Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.
顧客：服務員，我盤子里怎么只有一塊肉？
服務員：先生，請稍候，我去把它切成兩塊。
Father and Son
Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
兒子：爸爸，聽說在非洲的一些地方男人在結婚前根本不認識他的妻子。
父親：孩子，實際上所有的國家都是這樣的。
It depends
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
旅行者：我還能趕上3點鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎？
售票員：那得看你跑得有多快。火車15分鐘前開出。
To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（門廳，大廳） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?
Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.
Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.
在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問坐在首位的那位男士道：
對不起，請問我剛才出去的時候是踩著你的腳嗎？
是的，不過沒什么關系，一點也不疼。
噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。
8.求一個一分鐘英語笑話`要比較簡單的
The show was * is was dark in the * of the audience got up,moving along the row of seats and went to the smoking-room.A few minutes later he cameback and asked the man sitting at the head of the row.
"Excuse me, was it your foot that I stepped on when I went out a moment ago?""Yes,"the man said,"but it doesn't * didn't hurt at all."
"Oh,I know you would forgive me , I ask only because I want to make sure if this is my row."
9.英語簡短幽默的小故事（1分半鐘）
Talking clock 會說話的鐘 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning！" 一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。
“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。
“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。
突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！” 這是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"！ 四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了，他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說："恭喜，你得了雙胞胎."男人說："多奇怪呀，我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的 經理."過了一會兒，護士過來對第二個男人說："恭喜，你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡："嗯，又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后，護士跑來對第三個男人 說："恭喜，你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說："真令人啼笑皆非，我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興，但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻，咒罵上帝 并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁，他回答道："什么不對勁？我可是在七喜公司工作呀！" 呵呵，一個比一個效率高.。