華閱文章網1.求英語相聲（單人）短一些,要有翻譯,不用太難,初一水平就好,
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle
seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what
was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't
say
things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
2.誰有簡單的英語相聲
一、Little Red Riding Hood 第一場：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： （媽媽拿著一個籃子，把桌子上的水果放在籃子里） Little Red Riding Hood：（唱著歌，歡快地跑進來）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一邊把水果放在籃子里，心事重重地說）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood：（邊提起籃子，邊點頭說）Ok! Mum： （親切地看著Little Red Riding Hood說） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood: Yes ,*e, mummy. Mum: Bye-bye. Darling. 第二場：在路上 （一陣輕快的音樂由遠而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎著籃子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁） Little Red Riding Hood: Wow!Flowers, how beautiful！ （放下籃子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers. Wolf:(wolf大步地走上臺)I am wolf. I am hungry. （做找東西狀，東張西望） Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going？ （做狡猾的樣子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼） Little Red Riding Hood：（手摸辮子，天真地回答）To Grandma'*a is ill. Wolf：（自言自語）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（對Little Red Riding Hood說）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks. Little Red Riding Hood：（和6只鴨子隨著音樂翩翩起舞） Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大樹后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks,how are you? Six Ducks:We' re * you. Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood:To Grandma'*, I must go, bye. Six Ducks:Goodbye. 第三場：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘著氣出場，顫顫悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床邊，喘了幾口，打幾個哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（從樹后出來，邊走邊說）I am very hungry now. （做找尋的樣子）Where is Grandma' s house？ （高興地對觀眾說）Aha , it's here.（敲門）Bang, Bang, Bang. Grandma: Who is it? Wolf：（裝出Little Red Riding Hood的聲音，一邊得意地搖動尾巴，一邊說）It's me. Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma： （邊說邊起床） Come in, come in. Wolf：（得意洋洋地走到床邊） Grandma , I'll eat you. Grandma： （驚慌失措地抓緊衣服，瞪著眼睛，邊叫迫從床上滾到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翹起大拇指）Yummy!I'll sleep. Little Red Riding Hood：（高興地敲門）*a. Wolf：（裝扮成Grandma的聲音） Who is it? Little Red Riding Hood:It's me。
Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf:Come in, Come in. Little Red Riding Hood：（蹦跳著進來，把籃子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回幾步）Oh! What are big ears! Wolf:I can listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Riding Hood:Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf:I can see you pretty face. Little Red Riding Hood:Oh! What a big hand. Wolf:I can hug you. Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，邊摸邊說）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：（從床上跳起來說）I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：（拼命地跑）Oh!No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃狀，拍拍肚子說）It's delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping. Hunter： （一邊拿著槍，一邊做尋找狀出場）Where's the wolf? Look! A door.（推門）The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：（發出呼呼的響聲） Hunter： （端起槍想打，又放下）What a big stomach！ （摸摸Wolf的肚子）Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry.（從桌子上拿起剪刀，舉起） Look! Scissors. （做剪Wolf的肚子）Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma:Thank you. Hunter: Grandma ,give me some needles and thread. Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones. Grandma： （從桌子上拿來針線） Little Red Riding Hood：（搬來幾個石頭）One, two, three. Hunter： （把小石頭裝進Wolf的衣服里） Grandma: I'll thread it. Hunter： （拿起槍）Woke up! Wolf：（起床，兩手托著大肚子）My stomach is so heavy. Hunter: You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：（邊跑邊說） Help! Don't shot me! Hunter： （開槍）Bang, bang! Wolf： （應聲倒下） Hunter: The bad wolf is dead. Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma:Yeah! Thank you. 二、T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear （ 狐假虎威） Tiger: I'm a great tiger. I'm very strong. I'm very brave. I'm the king of the * now I'm very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I'll die immediately. Oh, there's nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly) Fox: I'm a fox. You can see, I'm pretty and lovely. I'm good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister!。
3.【求英語相聲（單人）短一些,要有翻譯,不用太難,初一水平就
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."。
4.求一份初一英語相聲稿（短一點的）3人左右
A Conversation about Hobbies Michael and John are on their way to the tennis court. They meet Charles and David Danny. Michael: hi, Charlie and Dave and Danny, how is everything? Charles: * you. How about you? It seems like you two are going to play tennis? John: * are gong to play tennis. Would you like to join us? We can play doubles. David: No. Thanks. We have a football game this afternoon. But the goalie is not feeling well. Do you know anybody who could be a goalie for our team? Just for today. Michael: I am afraid not. Danny: Please, could you help us find one? Charles, What's so good about playing tennis? Why can't you guys cancel playing tennis today and come to join * will be the goalie and one will cheer for us. Michael: You know what? I took tennis classes recently and I find myself so crazy about it. I feel so energetic after playing tennis. Charles: I don't play tennis. I just play football. Tennis is not as exciting as football. Danny: I agree with what Charles said. Michael: Charlie, I am afraid I can't agree with you at this point. John : me neither. Michael:It is much easier to find one tennis partner than to find a whole team of people to play football. David:That's true. Charlie: But, don't you think more people are more exciting? Playing tennis is like playing a ping pong game. You merely play back and forth. It's a kind of boring. Danny: right, it is so boring. Michael and John: Noooooooo! Michael: When you play tennis, you can keep fit and you don't get hurt. John: There is too much body contact in playing football. I don't want to be pushed, be stepped, be knocked down or…… Charles: that's the best part of the game. Danny: exactly! David: well, we all learn to play smart. Michael: Sorry. We can't talk to you now. We have to go to our tennis club now. I can't wait to play with John. Charles: ok. I have to call my buddies to see who would like to be our goalie today. Michael and John: Good luck! Bye! Charles and David and Danny: Bye! Have a good day! Michael John: you, too。
5.跪求英語笑話或相聲（短一點,40詞以內,本人初二 要能看懂）
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too。.."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6， 可后來又說2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
6.2人英語小品劇本2分鐘
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老師正在講課，彼得打起瞌睡來了。
Teacher: Peter!Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老師：彼得！你說說，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well。.eyelids。.
彼得： 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What?Eyelids?
老師：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老師。因為我眼睛一閉，眼皮就把世界上所有的東西都遮住了。
7.求一篇英語相聲劇本.
天呢，給各位說一段英語相聲。
這位大家都認識，XXX我的搭檔 小號吹得好！ 就是最近啊，身體不好 尤其這次病的挺嚴重的，都破相了。 痔瘡。
呵呵，開個玩笑 就上個星期吧，XXX給我打點話：走啊，一起游泳去 我說：不去！ 我嫌臟，游泳池里面有很多人都在里面撒尿 他說：別怕，我們也可以尿！ 最后還是他一個人去了。 當天下午3點，打電話給我：哥，帶2000塊贖我來吧，尿尿讓人逮著了。
去把他領回來。問他怎么回事，他說：他們都在池子里尿的，我是站在岸邊尿的。
過兩天，他自己又去了。下午又給我打電話：兄弟。
來贖我來吧，又讓人逮著了 去把他領回來，問他：又站岸邊尿了？ 他說：沒有啊。這次在池子里尿的，不過這幾天有點上火，尿是黃的。
Today, I would like to present a cross-talk. This is XXX, my partner, everybody knows him. He blows his trumpet very well! But he has been indisposed recently This time he's really very sick, he's disfigured. Hemorrhoids. Ha ha, it's just a joke. Just last week, XXX gave me a call: “Come, let's go swimming ” I answered: “No, it's dirty; lots of people urinate in the pool” He said: “Don't worry, we also can urinate!” Finally he went alone. Later in the afternoon at three o'clock, he called me: “Brother, please bring 2000 Yuan to bail me out, I was caught urinating.” I asked him what'd happened after taking him back, he said: “They urinated in the pool, but I did it standing at the poolside.” Two days later, again he went there alone. In the afternoon, he called me again: “Brother, I was caught again, come and bail me.” After bringing him back, I asked: “Urinated at the poolside again?” He answered: “No, this time I did it in the pool, but these few days I have excessive internal heat, my urine was yellow. ”。
8.跪求英語笑話或相聲（短一點,40詞以內,本人初二 要能看懂）
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too。.."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6， 可后來又說2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。