華閱文章網1.英語笑話10個,短一點
1、One day ,a little penguin ask his grandmother,"grandma,grandma,am i a penguin?'"yeah,you are certainly a penguin!'The little ask his father again,"dad,dad,am i a penguin??""yes,you are a penguin,what's the matter??""but,why am i feel so cold????"
2、There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says.
3、"My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower."
4、With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, "baloney,baloney,baloney" then shouts "pastrami,pastrami,pastrami" and then back to "baloney,baloney,baloney"
5、Finally, the girls sister says "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!"
6、Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
7、Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
8、Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.
9、Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.
10、Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.
2.英語笑話簡短一點的加中文
The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September."George,how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her,Mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too." 新老師 9月1日，喬治放學回到家里."喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問."媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6，可后來又說2加4也得6." Excuse for Speeding Excuse for Speeding Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road.A police car pulled them over.〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃 超速的理由 哈里與勞埃德超速行駛，一輛警車攔住了他們.“你們為什么開那么快？”警官喊道.“我們的剎車不好，因此我們想在發生事故前趕緊到達目的地.” A:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?B:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.A：猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？B：猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.A:Which is the strongest creature in the world?B:The * carries its house on its back.A：世界上最強壯的動物是什么？B：蝸牛.因為它可以把自己的房子放在背上.A:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?B:Keep him awake.A：怎樣才能不讓夢游者夢游呢？B：不讓他睡覺.He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really * does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人.-- 他真是一個大人物.干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人.Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave * the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was * made the old lady out of * last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the * are real US * are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元.在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假.這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票.這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的.” my little dog can't read *:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!*:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!*:It's no use,my little dog can't read.我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦，親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字.” Bring me the winner -- Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.-- I'm sorry,* must have been in a fight.-- Well,bring me the winner then.給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員，這個龍蝦只有一只爪.-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了.-- 哦，那給我那個打贏的吧.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads,see how the farms looked,and perhaps to see how farmers earned their * city man saw a farmer in his yard,holding a pig up in his hands,and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple * city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples,but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig？" 一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農莊是什么樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子.這位城里人看見一位農夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果.城里人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎？"那位農夫回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義？" Two birls Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is * who can tell us which is which?Student:I cannot point out but I know the *r:Please tell *t:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.兩只鳥 老師：這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀.誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學生：我指不出，但我知道答案.老師：請說說看.學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子.。
3.【英語繞口令段子5分鐘左右,簡單一點的.最好帶翻譯.一個小段子】
1、who that in youth no virtue uses,in age all honour him refuses.年輕不講品性，老來不受尊重.2、Badmin was able to beat Bill at billiards,but Bill always beat Badmin badly at badminton.巴德明在臺球上能夠打敗比爾，但是打羽毛球比爾常常大敗巴德明.3、Zack's backpack lacks Zach's *的背包里沒有Zach的快餐.4、OS/ZZO is more than anew *'s a new **ZZO電腦不僅是新設計，也是新的視野.5、Xmas wrecks perplex and vex.圣誕節使人困惑又使人惱火.（親，別忘給好評呦！）。
4.收集100條經典英語段子
《羅蜜歐和朱麗葉》：To be, or not to be —that is the question: Whether'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them. To die —to sleep— No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish' d. To die —to sleep. To sleep —perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause. There's the respect That makes calamity of so long life. For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of th'unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? Who would these fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death— The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns —puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pitch and this moment With this regard their currents turn awry And lose the name of action. 生存或毀滅， 這是個必答之問題： 是否應默默的忍受坎苛命運之無情打擊， 還是應與深如大海之無涯苦難奮然為敵， 并將其克服。
此二抉擇， 就竟是哪個較崇高？ 死即睡眠， 它不過如此！ 倘若一眠能了結心靈之苦楚與肉體之百患， 那么， 此結局是可盼的！ 死去， 睡去。 但在睡眠中可能有夢， 啊， 這就是個阻礙： 當我們擺脫了此垂死之皮囊， 在死之長眠中會有何夢來臨？ 它令我們躊躇， 使我們心甘情愿的承受長年之災， 否則誰肯容忍人間之百般折磨， 如暴君之政、驕者之傲、失戀之痛、法章之慢、貪官之侮、或庸民之辱， 假如他能簡單的一刃了之？ 還有誰會肯去做牛做馬， 終生疲於操勞， 默默的忍受其苦其難， 而不遠走高飛， 飄於渺茫之境， 倘若他不是因恐懼身后之事而使他猶豫不前？ 此境乃無人知曉之邦， 自古無返者。
所以，「理智」能使我們成為懦夫， 而「顧慮」能使我們本來輝煌之心志變得黯然無光， 像個病夫。 再之， 這些更能壞大事， 亂大謀， 使它們失去魄力。
{見到歐菲利亞} 哦， 小聲。 美麗的歐菲利亞， 可愛的小姐， 在你的祈禱中可別忘了我的罪孽。
5.英語笑話（5篇）短一點
已解決問題收藏 轉載到QQ空間 需要英語笑話 30[ 標簽：英語，笑話 ] 急 絢麗玫瑰 回答：14 人氣：14 解決時間：2009-03-14 22:03 檢舉 今天我正在看碟，老媽又捧了本書進來，說道：給我講講這幾句話什么意思 老媽：這個“i d敞恭搬枷植磺邦委鮑蓮on't know.“是什么意思？ 我說：“我不知道” 老媽：送你上大學上了幾年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 我說：不是！就是“我不知道”嗎！！ 老媽：還嘴硬！！！！$@%！#$^&%#$%@$%@#$%！^%^！^%$^#&..（一頓爆揍） 老媽：你在給我說說這個。
“i know.“是什么意思你該知道吧，給我說說。 我說：是“我知道“ 老媽：知道就快說。
我說：就是“我知道“ 老媽：找茬呀你？剛才收拾你收拾的輕了是不？ 我說：就是我知道呀！ 老媽：知道你還不說！！不懂不要裝懂！&*$%^@$#！%$@^%#*$^^^##$%（又一頓爆揍） 老媽：你給我小心點，花那么多錢送你上大學，搞的現在什么都不會，會那么一丁點東西還跟老娘擺譜，再問你最后一個，你給我好好解釋一下，說不出來我在收拾你，你給我翻譯一下“i know but i don't want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 我暈倒，拿起枕頭往頭上爆砸三十幾下，用頭撞墻四十多下，雙手輪番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之時，我問老媽：這下你滿意吧 這不她老人家又來問我了：“兒啊，i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~？“ 我：“我很煩，別煩我“ 老媽：“找打，跟你媽這么說話“（于是被扁） 老媽又問；“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 我說：“我沒聽清，再說一次“ 老媽又說了一遍：i hear nothing,repeat“ “我沒聽清，再說一次“ 結果被扁 老媽再問：“what do you say “又怎么解釋呢“ 我說：“你說什么“（再次被扁） 老媽再問：“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊' 我說：“查字典“ “查字典我還問你做甚“（被扁） 老媽又問：you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 我說：“你最好問別人“ “你是我兒子，我問別人干嗎，又找打.“ “啊！god save me ！“ “上帝救救我吧！” “耍你老媽玩，上帝也救不了你！（被扁） 我再問你：“use you head,then think it over，又是什么意思啊！“ 我說：“動動腦子，再仔細想想.“ “臭小子，還敢耍我“接著又要動手 我連忙說：“是世上只有媽媽好的意思” “嗯，這還差不多，一會我給你做好吃的，明天再問你”小洋人 回答采納率：33.3% 2009-03-14 22:01 檢舉絢麗玫瑰的感言： 呵呵 你覺得這個答案好不好？ 好（13）不好（1） 1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。" 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 3)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny",then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." 4)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of * Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴。
湯米回來后，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎？” “是的，媽媽。”湯米回答，“我把它們都試過了。”
5)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！ 開車父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。 蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉了。
呵呵。
6.1分鐘左右的英語小笑話,要簡單點的`
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000." "No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head. 一個禿頭的男人坐在理發店里。
發型師問：“有什么可以幫你嗎？”那個人解釋說：“我本來要去做頭發移植，但實在太疼了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給你5000美元。”
“沒問題，”發型師說，然后他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。
7.優美的英語小段子
Always Have A Dream Forget about the days when its been cloudy but don't forget your hours in the sun Forget about the times you've been defeated but don't forget the victories you've won Forget about mistakes that you can't change now but don't forget the lessons that you've learned Forget about misfortunes you encounter but don't forget the time your luck has turned Forget about the days when you've been lonely but don't forget the friendly smiles you've seen Forget about the plans that didn't seem to work out but don't forget to always have a dream。
8.關于英語的小笑話 短一點
He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他贏了 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？ 約翰尼：他害病臥床了。
他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？ 約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。
“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。
他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。
過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
轉載請注明出處華閱文章網 » 簡短一點的英文黃段子