華閱文章網1.求英語簡短小笑話 5句 10個
1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch *:There is no electricity *:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on. 邁克：媽媽，我想看電視。
媽媽：今晚停電了。邁克：那我們就點著蠟燭看吧。
* Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 魚網 "你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。 "把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。
" 小女孩回答道。3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
4. I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue！ " 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 “是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”
5. A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。
她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。
她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？”6. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 -- 他真是一個大人物。
干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。
在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。
這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。” * little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
9. Bring me the winner —- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。 -- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 10. Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年輕者” 這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。
如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬別進退休社區。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。
每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。”。
2.最簡單的英語笑話
I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我負責 一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
“快點，小姐！”他喊道：“請把門關上。” “噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”
她回答道。 “請把門關上好了，”列車員說：“其余的事由我負責。”
Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday？" 安眠藥 鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老板說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。”
“好啊！”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？” A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. "What's in here?" he asked. "Dirt," the driver replied. "Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them." Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go. A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck. "What's in the bags this time?" he asked. "Dirt, more dirt." said the man. Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil. The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time." Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars." 走私犯 一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。
“里面裝的是什么？”他問道。 “土。”
司機回答。 “把袋子拿出來”，哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”
那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋里除了土以外，別無他特。
哨兵很不情愿地讓他通過了。 一周后，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。
“這次袋子里裝的是什么？”他問道。 “土，又運了一些土。”
那人回答。 哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。
同樣的事情每周重演一次，一共持續了六個月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，干脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。
有天夜里，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。
你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什么東西？” 那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：“汽車。” Skunk "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?" "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open." Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher. "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there！" 臭 鼬 “我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打電話的人對警察調度員尖叫道。
“我們怎樣才能把它弄出來？” “弄一些面包屑，”調度員說，“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開。”
一段時間后，那位居民又將電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎？”調度員問。
“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。” Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性 垂釣者：你已經盯著看了三個小時了，你干嘛不自己親自釣呢？ 旁觀者：我沒那耐性。
Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. 。
3.英語笑話100篇+翻譯
posure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家。
8.簡短的英語小笑話
塞翁失馬 焉知非福 （Blessing or Bane）
Once upon a time, there was a man named Saiweng. He lived near China's northern borders. His
horse went into the land of northern people. His neighbors all felt sorry for him. "Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.
After a few months, his horse came back with another fine horse from the north. Everyone congratulated him.
"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a bad luck," said Saiweng.
Before long, his son became fond of riding. One day he fell from a horse and broke his leg. Again, his neighbors all felt sorry for him.
"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.
One year later, the northern people started a war along the border. All the strong young men took up arms and fought against the invaders. Most of them died. But Saiweng's son did not join in the fighting because he was lame so both of them survived.
很久以前，有個人叫塞翁。他住在北部邊疆。塞翁養的馬跑進了北邊民族的地盤。他的鄰居們都為他感到難過。
“也許這會是件好事呢！”塞翁說。
幾個月后，塞翁的馬自己跑回了家，還帶了一匹好馬回來。人們都去向他道賀。
塞翁卻說：“也許這不是什么好事呢！”
沒多久，塞翁的兒子就喜歡上了騎馬，一天他從馬上掉了下來，摔斷了腿。鄰居們都替塞翁難過。
“也許這會是件好事呢！”塞翁卻說。
一年后，北方的民族大舉入侵，年青人都被征集參軍去打仗。死了很多人。塞翁的兒子卻因為摔斷了腿不能去當兵，從而保住了性命。
9.簡單的英語笑話
人之初：At the begining of life.性本善：Sex is good.性相近：Basically,all the sex are same.習相遠：But it depends on how the way you do it.茍不教：If you do not practise all the time.性乃遷：Sex will leave you..教之道：The way of learning it貴以專：is very important to make love with only one person.昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng擇鄰處：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.子不學：If you don't study hard，斷機杼：Your Dick will become useless.竇燕山 Dou, the Famous有義方 owned a very effective exciting medicine教五子 All his five son took it名俱揚 and their sexual ability were well-kown.養不教 If your children don't know how to do it，父之過 It is all your fault.教不嚴 If they had lots of problems with it，師之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.子不學 You may refuse to study this非所宜 but that is a real mistake幼不學 If you don't learn it in childhood，老何為 you will lose your ability when aged玉不琢 If you don't exercise your dick，不成器 It won't become hard and strong.人不學 If you don't learn sex，不知義 You can by no means enjoy its sweetness。