華閱文章網1.二人英語幽默對話,一兩分鐘,帶翻譯,急~~~~
男： This seat empty？（這個座位是空的吧？） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
【我立馬走人】 男：Haven''t I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方見過你？） 女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什么我不再去那個地方的原因。）
【我不想和你有任何交集】 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？） 女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼）【^_^頭疼也是可以預約的】 男：Can I have your name？（我能知道你的名字嗎？） 女：Why? Don''t you already have one？ （為什么？你不是已經有一個了嗎？） 男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。
我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。） 女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。
我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）【長的真丑】 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非常快樂。）
女：Why? Are you leaving？（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）【你能離開就是對我的仁慈】。
2.求兩人幽默英語對話 帶翻譯
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老師正在講課，彼得打起瞌睡來了。
Teacher: Peter!Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老師：彼得！你說說，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well。.eyelids。.
彼得： 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What?Eyelids?
老師：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world. 彼得：是的，老師。因為我眼睛一閉，眼皮就把世界上所有的東西都遮住了。
3.跪求一篇簡短的兩人搞笑英文對話
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.
一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學生多了解一點優秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會。
To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocsandices.
為了使這次活動能給大家留下更深的印象，她請大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點心、巧克力和冰淇淋。
Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today, honey?"
在大家回來上汽車的時候，她問小薩莉：“親愛的，你今天玩得好嗎？”
"Oh, yes, miss" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
“哦，好極了，小姐，”薩莉說，“除了音樂其他都很好。”
4.兩人英語幽默對話帶翻譯
Girl: Damned my cheeks are cold! Brah
Me: Which ones?
Friend: LMAO
Me: Are you talking about your face of cheeks。or。buttcheeks。 I don't know lol?
Girl: You hole hits me in the face and friend.
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Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and I for a visit.
As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink.
Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?"
He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and then replied, "I have pickle juice or water."
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria! Me: Care to squeeze it?
*********************
Girl: What??? lol?
Me: My Caprison。meaning care to have a drink of Caprison with irresistible flavors.
Girl: Ok。ummmm, sure.
Me: Mind That's right you can't stand the heat。suck it
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Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?
Witness: After the accident?
Lawyer: Before the accident.
Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
5.英語兩人搞笑對話短文,帶翻譯推薦
I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒有睡著 當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。
售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒！” “我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。
“沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。” The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可憐的丈夫 “你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。”
Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪兒？ 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。 “看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。
那爸爸去哪兒了呢？” 哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。” Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？" 狗也知道這個諺語嗎？ 一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？” 一 Can we have our teacher back? Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back？" 能讓我們的老師回去嗎？ 有一次，一位督學去視察一個只有三間教室的學校。
一間教室非常吵鬧，因此督學抓住其中一個正在站著說話的人，把他帶進另一間教室，并讓他站在墻角。五分鐘以后，一個小男孩從第一間教室走進來，問道，“您什么時候能讓我們的老師回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 誰更有禮貌？ 一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。
瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂貴的代價 牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科醫生：是的。
但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了。
6.跪求一篇簡短的兩人搞笑英文對話
一、Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard. 顧客：來個熱狗。
侍者：很高興。 顧客：不要，加上芥末。
（注：英語中with pleasure是“很高興”的意思。這位顧客把pleasure當成調料了。
怪不得他說不要pleasure，要芥末呢。） 二、Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4? Student: At once！ 老師：全班同學聽著，不管我問什么，你們都要馬上回答。
6+4等于幾？ 學生：馬上。
7.求一簡單搞笑的英語兩人情景對話
A:Hello, I'm Ben. May I ask you some questions?
B:Sure.
A:What is your father's name?
B:Happy!
A:Then, What is your mother's name?
B:Smile!
A:Are you joking?
B:No! That's my sister! I am Kidding. By the way, are you a census
staff?
A:Of course not.
B:Go ahead.
A:OK. Your name is Kidding!
8.2人幽默對話,簡單 能翻譯成英語的 3或4分鐘
businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a * the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it * weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $* loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little * you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?" or。
Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into * was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a * the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of * morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said."Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?""Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger * week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn?I want you to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and * sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at * was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched."You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder."No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother."I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build."。
9.搞笑英語短對話,兩人的,必須好短
請采納我的問題 1、一個女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的訂婚戒指，但竟沒有一個同學注意到，令她忿忿不平。
到下午大家坐著談天的時候，她突然站起來大聲說：“哎呀，這里真熱呀，我看我還是把戒指脫下來吧。” 2、女主人把女傭叫到面前問她：“你是否懷孕了？” “是啊！”女傭回道。
“虧你還說得出口，你還沒有結婚，難道不覺得害羞嗎？”女主人再次訓。 “我為什么要害羞，女主人你自己不也懷孕了嗎？” “可是我懷的是我丈夫的！”女主人生氣地反駁。
“我也是啊！”女傭高興地附和。 3、一個人騎摩托車喜歡反穿衣服，就是把口子在后面扣上，可以擋風。
一天他酒后駕駛， 翻了，一頭栽在路旁。警察趕到： 警察甲：好嚴重的車禍。
警察乙：是啊，腦袋都撞到后面去了。 警察甲：嗯，還有呼吸，我們幫他把頭轉回來吧。
警察乙：好。..一、二使勁，轉回來了。
警察甲：嗯，沒有呼吸了。
. 4、在一條七拐八拐的鄉村公路上，因為時常發生車禍，所以常常有一些鬼故事發生，有一天晚上，有一個出租車司機看見路邊有一個長發披肩，身著白衣的女人向他招手，因為這個司機沒有見過鬼，所以大膽的停下來讓她上車了，這一路上，司機雖然不信有鬼，心里也毛毛的，所以時常從后視鏡看后面的女人，開著開著，突然司機發現那個女人不見了！司機嚇了一大跳，趕緊踩了一個剎車！只見那個女人滿臉是血，表情猙獰。司機嚇的牙直打顫。
突然那女人開口了：“你會不會開車啊！我低頭系個鞋帶你突然一剎車我把鼻子都撞破了……” 5、一個病人去看病，醫生檢查了他，皺著眉頭說：“您病得太嚴重了，恐怕不會活多久了。” 病人：“求您告訴我我還能活多久？” 醫生：“十……” 病人著急地問：“十什么？十年？？十個月？？？十天？？？？？” 醫生：“十，九，八，七，六，五……” 6、老師：“你能說一些18世紀科學家共同特點嗎？” 學生：“能，他們都死了。”
7、犀糞蜣和蚊子談戀愛，蜣問蚊子是做什么工作的，蚊子說：“護士，打針的。”蜣一拍大腿：“緣分吶，我是中藥局搓藥丸的…” 8、一非洲人住在某一賓館。
夜半，起火，不明原因。非洲人見狀顧不了那么許多，光著身子就跑出去了。
消防員見狀驚呼：“我的媽呀！都燒的糊了吧區的了還能跑那么快！” 9、一個人想出國考察，但必須得到老總批準。于是他向老總請示，老總給了他一張字條，上面寫著：“Go ahead”。
那人想：“Go ahead=前進，老總是批準了。”于是他開始打點行李。
一個同事見到了他問：“你在做什啊？？”他說：“我準備出國考察，老總批準了，給我寫了'Go ahead'。” 同事一見條就樂了：“咱們老總根本就沒批準！！咱老總的英語水平你還不知道，他這是在說去個頭！” 10、牧師對買了他馬和馬車的農夫說：“這匹馬只能聽懂教會的語言，叫"感謝上帝"它就跑；叫"贊美上帝"它才停下。”
農夫將信將疑，他試著喊了一聲感謝上帝，那匹馬立刻飛奔起來，越跑越快。一只跑到懸崖邊上驚恐的農夫才想起讓它停下來的口令“贊美上帝”。
果然，馬停下來了。死里逃生的農夫長出一口氣：“感謝上帝………”我打了很久，請采納1 the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.\" 2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant?\" \"Yes!\" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?\" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?\" \"But I conceive is my husband!\" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too!\" The maid happy to echo. 3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car accident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good。
One, two, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing。 4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nos。
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