華閱文章網1.求有關中式英語的笑話
* two who and who?
咱倆誰跟誰阿
* are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你，怎么老是你？
* don`t bird me,I don`t bird you
不鳥我，我也不鳥你
* have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ! together up !
你有種，我要給你點顏色瞧瞧，兄弟們，一起上！
* everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home
有事起奏，無事退朝
* me you me
彼此彼此
* Give Me Stop
你給我站住！
* is know noknow is noknow
知之為知之，不知為不知。
* SISTER
表妹
* born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!!
龍生龍，鳳生鳳，老鼠的兒子會打洞！
*an Chinese not enough
美中不足
* car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
車禍現場描述
* flower angry open
心花怒放
* past no mistake past
走過路過，不要錯過
15.小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
2.求中式英文的笑話~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers !together
你有種，我要給你點顏色瞧瞧，兄弟們，一起上！
2. hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have
nothing to say,go home!!
有事起奏，無事退朝
3. we two who and who?
咱倆誰跟誰阿
4. how are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你，怎么老是你？
5. you don't bird me,I don't bird you
你不鳥我，我也不鳥你
6. You Give Me Stop!!
你給我站住！
7. know is know noknow is noknow
知之為知之，不知為不知…
8. WATCH SISTER
表妹
9. I give you face you don''t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face.
給你臉你不要臉，你丟臉，我翻臉
10. American Chinese not enough
美中不足
11. heart flower angry open
心花怒放
12. go past no mistake past
走過路過，不要錯過
13. I call Li old big. toyear 25.
我叫李老大，今年25。
14. you have two down son。
你有兩下子。
15. as far as you go to die
有多遠，死多遠！！！！
16. 小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
17. If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one!
要錢沒有，要命一條
3.簡短的英語笑話帶翻譯
Feel Unhappy.心里難受
Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?
Father: Of cause, it is.
Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.
Father(angrily): What? You------
兒子：是不是當心里難受時，就不應該再給他精神或肉體上的刺激？
父親：那當然！
兒子：那好，這次我有兩門功課不及格，我現在心里很難受。
父親（氣憤地）：什么？你……
It's not that. 不是那樣的。
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn't raining.
A：我看見7個女孩共撐一把傘卻沒有一個被淋濕。
B：啊？那一定是把很大的傘吧！
A：不是，當時并沒有下雨。
Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon's name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven't you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.
兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。
媽媽：你只關心這個嗎？不會比一下其它東西？
兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
4.爆笑中國式英語
爆笑（1）：警察跑累死police,n，警察，音“跑累死”。
警察的最終結局是“跑累死”，因為小偷可以選擇休息，而警察不能，警察永遠跟在多個小偷的后面。爆笑（2）：柴門出主席chairman,n，主席，音“柴門”。
柴門是寒門。寒門出孝子，也出主席。
從柴門走出來的主席很多。爆笑（3）：飽死老板，餓死員工boss,n，老板，音“飽死”。
worker,n，工人，音“餓客”。工人們不要不平衡，老板會撐而“飽死”，工人是“餓客”，餓，不一定死。
或者說，飽死老板，餓死員工，與老板殊途同歸。爆笑（4）：法官會“榨汁”judge,n，法官，音“榨汁”，又音“喳吱”。
社會上有種說法“吃了原告，吃被告。”有些法官會“榨汗”，榨原告被告的油汁。
法官喳喳吱吱時候，是在糾問式審判，現在是聽判式，法官很少“喳吱”了。爆笑（5）：律師老爺lawyer,n，律師，音“老爺”。
有個被告叫律師老爺，忘了叫法官青天大老爺，法官非常生氣。畢競法官比律師說了算。
爆笑（6）：阿哥累了Ugly,adj，丑陋的，音“阿哥累”。阿哥累了，變得丑了，心靈美了，阿妹不離他走了。
爆笑（7）：政委與神甫commissar,n.，代表， 政委，音“靠彌撒”。彌撒是天主教的一種宗教儀式，用面餅和葡萄酒表示耶穌的身體和血來祭祀天主。
西方的軍隊有隨軍神甫，相當于政委吧，靠彌撒做思想政治工作吧。爆笑（8）：三克油送給你thank,you.謝謝你。
音“三克油”。解：三克油，送給你，略表謝意。
禮物雖輕，謝意情濃。爆笑（9）：客套與套客talk,v，談話， 談論， 議論，n ，談話。
音“套客”。解：中國人談話先客套，外國人真接就套客，小心哪。
爆笑（10）：抬之若爆，小心為妙Terrible adj. 很糟的， 極壞的， 可怕的，音：“抬若爆”。解：一抬就能爆炸的東西，如定時炸彈，一定是可怕的。
We saw a terrible storm. 我們遇到了一場可怕的風暴。
5.有哪些搞笑的中式英語
We two who and who ？ 咱倆誰跟誰阿 How are you ? how old are you？ 怎么是你，怎么老是你？ You don't bird me,I don't bird you 你不 鳥我，我也 不 鳥你 You me you me 彼此彼此 You Give Me Stop！！ 你給我站住！ Know is know noknow is noknow 知之為知之，不知為不知 … American Chinese not enough 美中不足 Watch sister 表妹 Heart flower angry open 心花怒放 Go past no mistake past 走過路過，不要錯過 If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I have one！ 要錢沒有，要命一條 I call Li old big. toyear 25. 我叫李老大，今年 25 。
You have two down son 。你有兩下子。
As far as you go to die 有多遠，死多遠！！ ！ ！ I give you face you don''t wanna face 給你臉你不要臉 參考資料： 。
6.簡短的英語小笑話
塞翁失馬 焉知非福 （Blessing or Bane）
Once upon a time, there was a man named Saiweng. He lived near China's northern borders. His
horse went into the land of northern people. His neighbors all felt sorry for him. "Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.
After a few months, his horse came back with another fine horse from the north. Everyone congratulated him.
"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a bad luck," said Saiweng.
Before long, his son became fond of riding. One day he fell from a horse and broke his leg. Again, his neighbors all felt sorry for him.
"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.
One year later, the northern people started a war along the border. All the strong young men took up arms and fought against the invaders. Most of them died. But Saiweng's son did not join in the fighting because he was lame so both of them survived.
很久以前，有個人叫塞翁。他住在北部邊疆。塞翁養的馬跑進了北邊民族的地盤。他的鄰居們都為他感到難過。
“也許這會是件好事呢！”塞翁說。
幾個月后，塞翁的馬自己跑回了家，還帶了一匹好馬回來。人們都去向他道賀。
塞翁卻說：“也許這不是什么好事呢！”
沒多久，塞翁的兒子就喜歡上了騎馬，一天他從馬上掉了下來，摔斷了腿。鄰居們都替塞翁難過。
“也許這會是件好事呢！”塞翁卻說。
一年后，北方的民族大舉入侵，年青人都被征集參軍去打仗。死了很多人。塞翁的兒子卻因為摔斷了腿不能去當兵，從而保住了性命。
7.有一個簡短的英文故事,并且大部分都是中式英語
三句話。
He opened the closet, checked under the bed, locked the window, and threw the deadbolt on the door. Then he got into bed and blew out the candle. A voice from the darkness said, "Now we're both locked in for the night,"
兩句話。
The Last Man On Earth is Sitting in His Room. There's a Knock at the Door.
8.簡短的,帶翻譯的英語笑話
A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her ."Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes:(1) inform v.告訴（2） nest n.窩；巢（3） description n.描述（4） encourage v.鼓勵（5） resemble v. 相似；類似18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”
那孩子回答說。“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes:(1) poisonous adj.有毒的（2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?A: By treading on his corn？如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？Q: What do people do in a clock factory?A: They make faces all day.一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A: Keep him awake.怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。英語笑話（二） He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一個大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of * last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美。
9.很搞笑的中式英文
呵呵、有的，你慢慢看。
* two who and who?
咱倆誰跟誰阿
* are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你，怎么老是你？
* don't bird me,I don't bird you
你不鳥我，我也不鳥你
* have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ! together up !
你有種，我要給你點顏色瞧瞧，兄弟們，一起上！
* everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!
有事起奏，無事退朝
* me you me
彼此彼此
* Give Me Stop!!
你給我站住！
* is know noknow is noknow
知之為知之，不知為不知。
* SISTER
表妹
* born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse''son can make hole!!
龍生龍，鳳生鳳，老鼠的兒子會打洞！
*an Chinese not enough
美中不足
* car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
車禍現場描述
* flower angry open
心花怒放
* past no mistake past
走過路過，不要錯過
15.小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
* you want money,I have no;
if you want life,I have one!
要錢沒有，要命一條
17.I call Li old big. toyear 25.
我叫李老大，今年25。
* have two down son。
你有兩下子。
* far as you go to die
有多遠，死多遠！！！！
20.I give you face you don''t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face
給你臉你不要臉，你丟臉，我翻臉
10.簡短的英文笑話
my little dog can't read :
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”