華閱文章網1.20個英語笑話爆笑超短
你好 Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢. “昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說. “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說.“再給你兩分錢.可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的.” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 （2） nest n.窩；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓勵 （5） resemble v. 相似；類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師.一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩. “是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她. “我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩.”那孩子回答說. “那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道. “哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣.” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 （2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭. 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式. 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親. “是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭.” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車.接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了.她的慣性使她接近了我的腳.我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來.她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小.但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.這個答案很有意思吧？ 滿意請采納。
2.急需：英語小笑話,簡單短小,而且超級爆笑
* it a boy or a girl A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.B: I'm not. I'm her mother.翻譯：是男孩還是女孩？A：看看那個留短發和藍色牛仔褲的年輕人。
是男孩還是女孩？B：是個女孩。她是我的女兒。
A：哦，對不起，先生。我不知道你是她的父親。
B：我不是。我是她的媽媽。
* ugly Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..翻譯：非常丑陋的 瑪麗：約翰說我很漂亮。安迪說我很丑。
你覺得怎么樣，彼得？彼得：我覺得你很丑。* fart A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem."Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?" The doctor replies:"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing." 翻譯：沉默的屁：沉默的屁 一個人走進醫生的辦公室，遇到了一個嚴重的問題。
“醫生，我在無聲氣體排放方面有問題。在家里，工作，甚至在教堂，我放出無數的無聲屁，無論我走到哪里！事實上，我坐在這里和你談過三次。
我們該怎么辦？” 醫生回答說：“我們要做的第一件事就是檢查你的聽力。”* tax with a smile A: I hate paying my income tax.B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?A: I'd like to but they insist on money！翻譯：A：我討厭付所得稅。
B：你應該是個好公民——你為什么不微笑著付錢呢？A：我很愿意，但是他們堅持要錢！* his place An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor."So, what is it?" grumbled the governor."Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." 翻譯：代替他：取代他的位置 午夜過后，一位律師打電話給州長，堅持要他跟他談一件非常緊急的事情。一個助手最終同意喚醒州長。
“那么，這是什么呢？”州長抱怨道。“Garber法官剛剛去世，”律師說，“我想接替他的位置。”
州長回答說：“好吧，如果殯儀館還好的話，我就可以了。”5.I'm Sick One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the *: Hamid, the doctor is here to see *: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.翻譯：我生病了 一天，哈米德感到很不舒服，他去了醫院。
護士：哈米德，醫生來見你。哈米德：告訴他，我看不見他。
我病了。向姑姑道歉 爸爸：“兒子，你怎么稱呼你的阿姨傻？”去跟她說聲對不起。”
兒子：（走到姨媽跟前）“阿姨，對不起你是個笨蛋。”* sorry to aunt Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her." Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."*g love Girl: Do you love me?Boy: Yes, *: Would you die for me?Boy: No, mine is undying love.翻譯：永恒的愛：永恒的愛 女孩：你愛我嗎？男孩：是的，親愛的。
女孩：你愿意為我而死嗎？男孩：不，我的愛是永恒的 擴展資料：look at看； 審視； 評判； 接受 young person(14-17歲的)未成年人； 少年 short hair短頭發 blue jeans藍色斜紋布褲子，牛仔褲 do you你愿意嗎 fart<諱>放屁； 討厭的人； 令人厭煩的人； 蠢人 walks步態（ walk的名詞復數 ）； 人行道； 步行的路徑； 走，步行，散步（ walk的第三人稱單數 ）； 出現； 陪伴…走； 徒步旅行'vehave 的縮略形式 At home在家； 在國內； 在家接待客人； 精通 and even乃至。
3.有哪些英語小笑話
1、英語笑話（一）??老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time?is?money.并讓同學們翻譯。
有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”???小明上英文課時跟老師說：May?I?go?to?the?toilet？???老師說：Go?ahead.??小明就坐了下來。
過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May?I?go?to?the?toilet？???老師說：Go?ahead.??小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？???小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！???2、英語笑話（二）??某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I?am?hong tao?liu，外賓曰：我TM還是方片七呢！???3、英語笑話（三）??江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。
外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss?Jiang，?you?are?very?beautiful."?翻譯照翻，江青心花怒?放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。??翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where？?Where？"?外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere，?everywhere."??翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”
江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見得，不見得”。翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You?are?not?allowed?to?see，?you?are?not?allowed?to?see."??4、英語笑話（四）??話說某年某月的某一天，叁個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋果。
A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大?拇指道：「I?AM后羿！」??B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I?AM丘比特！」??輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！?結果正中仆人的心臟。
就聽他結結巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I。I。
I。AM。
SORRY。」???5、英語笑話（五）?某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。
一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，?忙說：I?am?sorry.???老外應道：I?am?sorry?too.???某人聽后又道：I?am?sorry?three.???老外不解，問：What?are?you?sorry?for？???某人無奈，道：I?am?sorry?five.?6、英語笑話（六）??一位來自日本的旅客，坐出租車去機場的路上，看到一輛汽車經過，就說：“oh,TOyOTA!Made?in?Japan！?It?is?very?fast！”又有一輛經過，他又說：?“oh,NISSAN!Made?in?Japan！?It?is?very?fast！”司機有點不高興，覺得他太吵了！當第三輛經過時，他還是說：“oh,HONDA!Made?in?Japan！?It?is?very?fast！”??后來到了機場，那個日本人就問：“How?Much？”出租車司機說：“1000！”??日本人驚奇的問司機：“為什么那么貴？”出租車司機回答說：“oh,mileometer（計?程表）！Made?in?Japan！?It?is?very?fast！”?7、英語笑話（七）??傳說克林頓和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞錯了，把克林頓送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了?地獄。發現錯誤后上帝馬上改了回來，路上二人相遇。
?精彩繼續教皇：感謝上帝，我終于能見到圣母瑪利亞了（Virgin?Maria）.?克林頓（壞笑中）：Sorry,it"s?too?late.?8、英語笑話（八）?小強去看電影，到了電影售票處，發現一個老外和售票小姐連說帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說：麻煩你告訴她，現在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站著看。??小強轉頭就對老外說：no?sit?see，?stand?see.?if?see?stand?see.?老外回答說：Sorry?I?don't?understand?your?English.??小強就對售票小姐說：哦，他說他不懂英文。
.踩了一個老外的腳，為了顯示咱國家是有名的禮儀之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是禮貌有加，就來個sorry?too.?two??the?chinese?puzzled.恩，咱中國人還不是得禮尚往來？！~那就I?am?sorry?three~???這下老外蒙了，一句what?are?you?sorry?for？?暈，還有完沒完啊，還FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam?sorry?five~(who怕?who？！~)?9、英語笑話（九）?我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你媽是猴兒。”老外用純正的天津話說：“你媽是大猩猩！”?10、英語笑話（十）?"Are?we?poisonous？"?the?young?snake?asked?his?mother.??"Yes，?dear，"?she?replied?-?"Why?do?you?ask？"??"Cause?I've?just?bitten?my tongue！?"?????????????????????“我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？”??“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”。
4.求幾個英文小笑話（要搞笑的哦,簡短的,不用多）
1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。
" 2)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of * Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒火柴 媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴。湯米回來后，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎？” “是的，媽媽。”
湯米回答，“我把它們都試過了。” 3)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！ 開車 父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。
蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉了。 4)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。
誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。 5)Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths? Gerald: I'd much rather have the half. Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why. Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths. 半個還是十分之五 老師：你愿意要半個柑橘，還是十分之五個柑橘？ 杰拉得：我寧可要半個。
老師：仔細想想，說出理由來。 杰拉得：因為你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就損失太多了。
Heat and Cold A class of Physics at school. The teacher: "Now, who can tell me anything about heat?" A small boy held up his hand: "Heat makes things larger, Sir, and cold makes things smaller." “All right! ”Give an example." "In summer days are longer because it is hot, in winter they are shorter because it is cold." 熱和冷 學校里正在上物理課. 老師提問："現在誰能講一講對熱的認識？"一個小男孩舉手回答："老師，熱能使東西膨脹，冷能使東西縮小."老師說："很好，舉一個例子.""夏季，白天變長，因為天氣太熱；冬季白天縮短，因為天氣太冷." The Doctor Knows Better A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you！" 醫生懂得多 一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說："我想他傷得很厲害."醫生說："我怕他已經死了." 聽到醫生的話，這個男人轉動著頭說："我沒死，我還活著."妻子說："安靜，醫生比你懂得多." The Fish Net “Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?” “A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl. 魚網 “你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？” 老師發問道。 “把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。”
小女孩回答道。 4、The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. “George, how did you like your new teacher?” asked his mother. “I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too……“ 新老師 9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？” 媽媽問。 “媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6， 可后來又說2加4也得6.” 5、A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it * question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考試 在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？ 尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
5.非常幽默的英語小笑話（不超過150個單詞）
He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他贏了 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？ 約翰尼：他害病臥床了。
他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？ 約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。
“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
英語小笑話 上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一個老美看到就笑我說， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 縮寫正好是 Adidas） " 我正驚訝他怎么反應這么快， 聯想力這么豐富時，旁邊的 一個老美幫我解圍， 他說， 有一個很著名的合唱團 Korn， 他們的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能詳的喔！ 下次就換你去取笑老美了 Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。
他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”。
6.簡單的英語小笑話（帶翻譯）
1、Boy：?Is?this?seat?empty？?Girl：?Yes?and?this?one?will?be?if?you?sit?down.?男孩：這個座位是空的么？?女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
??2、Boy：?Can?I?buy?you?a?drink？?Girl：?Actually?I'd?rather?have?the?money.?男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？?女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。?3、My?little?dog?can't?read?Mrs.?Brown：?Oh，?my?dear，?I?have?lost?my?precious?little?dog！?Mrs.?Smith：?But?you?must?put?an?advertisement?in?the?papers！??Mrs.?Brown：?It's?no?use，?my?little?dog?can't?read.? 我的狗不識字。
布朗夫人：哦，?親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！?史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！?布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”4、My?Wife?Will?Exchange?Them。
A?gentleman?walks?into?a?store?and?asked?for?a?pair?of?gloves.???″Cloth?or?leather﹖″?asked?the?salesperson.??″Makes?no?difference?″replied?customer.???″What?color﹖″?asked?the?clerk.??″Any″?he?responded.? ″Size﹖″?″Give?me?whatever?you?prefer″?the?gentleman?said?slightly?exasperated.?″My?wife?will?be?back?tomorrow?to?exchange?them.″? 反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。
?“您是要布的還是皮的？”售貨員問。?“沒什么區別。”
這位顧客回答。?“那您要什么顏色的呢？”售貨員又問。
“什么顏色都成。”他回答。
?“號碼呢？”?“您就隨便給我拿一副吧，”這位顧客有點不耐煩了，“反正我太太明天都會來換的。”?5、A??physics?Examination,Once?in?a?physics?examination，?Nick?finished?the?first?question?very?soon，?while?his?classmates?were?thinking?it?hard.??The?question?was：?When?it?thunders?why?do?we?see?the?lighting?first，?then?hear?the?thunder?rolls？??? Nick's?answer：?Because??our?eyes?are?before?ears.??? 一次物理考試。
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
??6、Jim's?History?Examination。Uncle：?How?did?Jim?do?in?his?history?examination?Mother：?Oh，?not?at?all?well，?but?there，?it?wasn't?his?fault.?They?asked?him??things?that?happened?before?the?poor?boy?was?born.??? 吉姆的歷史考試。
舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎么樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。
嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。?7、he?is?really?somebody。
--?My?uncle?has?1000?men?under?him.?--?He?is?really?somebody.?What?does?he?do？--?A?maintenance?man?in?a?cemetery.??? 他真是一個大人物。--?我叔叔下面有1000個人。
--?他真是一個大人物。干什么的？--?墓地守墓人。
擴展資料：笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。
其趣味有高下之分。人類歷史上，人自從有了語言，就已經出現了開玩笑的語言，最早，人們以口相傳，后來有了文字，許多笑話便被記載下來，編書成冊。
但還有很多笑話，是流傳于民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值。同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。
隨著近十年網絡和手機的飛速發展，隨之出現了網絡笑話，網絡流行語，給力大全，手機笑話，雷人語句，笑料聯盟等，促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。參考資料：搜狗百科：笑話。
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