華閱文章網1.英語幽默小故事（帶翻譯的）
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”
“沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。”
TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?
John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.
老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子？
約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我來試試看，”一位老太太說。
“該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”
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2.英語幽默故事帶翻譯
這樣可以嗎 ？
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師：為什么你每天早晨都遲到？
湯姆：每當我經過學校的拐角處，就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
3.英語幽默小故事,要帶翻譯,3
Who is Stupid?A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!" Little Johnny then stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself！" 誰愚蠢 一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認為自己蠢就站起來？”她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。 “你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？”老師問。
“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。” gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10 A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?" The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!" The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?" The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!" The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?" The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer！" 總是我 一位父親對他的兒子們說：“你們的媽媽明天要烙一張餡餅，誰要吃呢？” 大兒子說：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父親接著說：“明天我要殺一口豬，誰要吃呢？” 又是大兒子說：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父親又說：“明天我們要耕地，誰想耕地呢？” 大兒子再次回答道：“總是我，總是我，這次還是讓其他人來做吧。”
2 Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂貴的代價 牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科醫生：是的。
但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了。 3 A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot. 耶穌的電視機 圣誕節時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。
最后這件藝術品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。 他們對耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。
“可是那個角落里是什么？”媽媽問。 “噢，那是他們的電視機，”孩子回答說。
4 調查員：What is your father's name？ 小弟：Happy！！ 調查員：What is your mother's name？ 小弟：Smile！ 調查員：Are you joking？ 小弟：No!!That's my sister!! I am Kidding!! 5 業余工作 When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. "How was your first day?" I asked. "It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls." Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?" "Do you prefer paper or plastic？" 。 鑰匙還是接吻 A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。
4.簡單的幽默英語小故事帶翻譯
There is a "Magic Fountain" in the small mountain village, where there is an old legend, all the young men and women who drink "Magic Fountain" on New Year's Eve, will marry one of the most ugly in second years or marry one of the most ugly * village has three best friends, has not taken a wife, because his family was poor, they decided to take the plunge and even marry one of the ugliest wife, than to fight a lifetime bachelor * on New Year's Eve, the three friends meet came to Yuquan next, the first and second male youth are not hesitate to drink the spring water, the third have secretly put the springs * second year, drinking fountain of the two young men, married to a very ugly wife, and the springs spit out of the third man is married to the most beautiful girl in the village to do a wife. Two marry the ugly wife young men very puzzled and asked the luck of friends, friends and also very puzzled, he only knew he did not drink spring water, but do not know why they will have good *y, on the wedding night, his wife told him the answer: really bad luck! It is not because I stole the water last year on the eve of the new year's eve!!There is a "Magic Fountain" in the small mountain village, where there is an old legend, all the young men and women who drink "Magic Fountain" on New Year's Eve, will marry one of the most ugly in second years or marry one of the most ugly * village has three best friends, has not taken a wife, because his family was poor, they decided to take the plunge and even marry one of the ugliest wife, than to fight a lifetime bachelor * on New Year's Eve, the three friends meet came to Yuquan next, the first and second male youth are not hesitate to drink the spring water, the third have secretly put the springs * second year, drinking fountain of the two young men, married to a very ugly wife, and the springs spit out of the third man is married to the most beautiful girl in the village to do a wife. Two marry the ugly wife young men very puzzled and asked the luck of friends, friends and also very puzzled, he only knew he did not drink spring water, but do not know why they will have good *y, on the wedding night, his wife told him the answer: really bad luck! It is not because I stole the water last year on the eve of the new year's eve！！小山村里面有一個“魔泉”。
這里有一個古老的傳說，凡是在除夕之夜喝了“魔泉”的青年未婚男女，將在第二年娶一個最丑陋的妻子或嫁給一個最丑陋的丈夫。從來沒有人敢試一下。
村里有三個最好的朋友，都還沒有娶妻，因為家里太窮了，他們決定冒險一試，即使娶一個最丑的妻子，也比打一輩子光棍強。于是在除夕夜，三個朋友相約來到“玉泉”旁，第一個和第二個男青年都毫不猶豫的喝下了泉水，第三個卻偷偷地把泉水吐掉了。
第二年，喝下泉水的兩個男青年各娶到了一個非常丑陋的妻子，而把泉水吐掉的第三個小伙子卻娶到了全村最漂亮的姑娘做妻子。兩個娶到丑陋妻子的男青年非常不解地問那個好運的朋友，朋友也十分不解，他只知道自己沒喝泉水，卻不知道自己為何會交上好運。
終于，在新婚之夜，妻子告訴了他答案：真倒霉！還不是因為我在去年除夕偷喝了那可惡的水！。
5.英文帶翻譯（幽默故事）簡短
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
為我所用
一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。”
“請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。“我要講給我認識的一只跳蚤聽。
6.有沒有簡短的英語小故事
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道：“我從來不給傻瓜讓路。” “可我給。”說完歌德退到了一
7.英語幽默小故事帶翻譯200字以上10篇
1. Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價！”“特便宜！”
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價！”“大折扣！”
中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。
2. Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I“m going abroad tomorrow, but I“d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I“ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that“s all right," answered Joan. "I“m his sister."
"I“m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I“m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，"我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。"瓊同意了，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。
瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，"我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。"
"這里只有親屬可以探望病人。"護士長說。
"噢，是的，"瓊說，"我是他的妹妹。"
"很高興認識你，"護士長說，"我是他的母親。"
希望能幫助到您，望采納！
8.英語幽默簡短故事帶翻譯
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”
9.英語小笑話、故事,帶翻譯,簡短,一分鐘左右能說完的
One or Two
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.
Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.
顧客：服務員，我盤子里怎么只有一塊肉？
服務員：先生，請稍候，我去把它切成兩塊。
Father and Son
Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
兒子：爸爸，聽說在非洲的一些地方男人在結婚前根本不認識他的妻子。
父親：孩子，實際上所有的國家都是這樣的。
It depends
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
旅行者：我還能趕上3點鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎？
售票員：那得看你跑得有多快。火車15分鐘前開出。
To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（門廳，大廳） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?
Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.
Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.
在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問坐在首位的那位男士道：
對不起，請問我剛才出去的時候是踩著你的腳嗎？
是的，不過沒什么關系，一點也不疼。
噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。
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