華閱文章網1.英語幽默故事帶翻譯
這樣可以嗎 ？
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師：為什么你每天早晨都遲到？
湯姆：每當我經過學校的拐角處，就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
2.英文帶翻譯（幽默故事）簡短
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
為我所用
一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。”
“請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。“我要講給我認識的一只跳蚤聽。
3.簡單的英語笑話帶翻譯的或英語故事簡單的帶翻譯的
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her ."Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes:(1) inform v.告訴（2） nest n.窩；巢（3） description n.描述（4） encourage v.鼓勵（5） resemble v. 相似；類似18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”
那孩子回答說。“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes:(1) poisonous adj.有毒的（2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?A: By treading on his corn？如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？Q: What do people do in a clock factory?A: They make faces all day.一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A: Keep him awake.怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。英語笑話（二） He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一個大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of * last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。
4.有沒有簡短的英語小故事
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道：“我從來不給傻瓜讓路。” “可我給。”說完歌德退到了一
5.簡單的幽默英語小故事帶翻譯
There is a "Magic Fountain" in the small mountain village, where there is an old legend, all the young men and women who drink "Magic Fountain" on New Year's Eve, will marry one of the most ugly in second years or marry one of the most ugly * village has three best friends, has not taken a wife, because his family was poor, they decided to take the plunge and even marry one of the ugliest wife, than to fight a lifetime bachelor * on New Year's Eve, the three friends meet came to Yuquan next, the first and second male youth are not hesitate to drink the spring water, the third have secretly put the springs * second year, drinking fountain of the two young men, married to a very ugly wife, and the springs spit out of the third man is married to the most beautiful girl in the village to do a wife. Two marry the ugly wife young men very puzzled and asked the luck of friends, friends and also very puzzled, he only knew he did not drink spring water, but do not know why they will have good *y, on the wedding night, his wife told him the answer: really bad luck! It is not because I stole the water last year on the eve of the new year's eve!!There is a "Magic Fountain" in the small mountain village, where there is an old legend, all the young men and women who drink "Magic Fountain" on New Year's Eve, will marry one of the most ugly in second years or marry one of the most ugly * village has three best friends, has not taken a wife, because his family was poor, they decided to take the plunge and even marry one of the ugliest wife, than to fight a lifetime bachelor * on New Year's Eve, the three friends meet came to Yuquan next, the first and second male youth are not hesitate to drink the spring water, the third have secretly put the springs * second year, drinking fountain of the two young men, married to a very ugly wife, and the springs spit out of the third man is married to the most beautiful girl in the village to do a wife. Two marry the ugly wife young men very puzzled and asked the luck of friends, friends and also very puzzled, he only knew he did not drink spring water, but do not know why they will have good *y, on the wedding night, his wife told him the answer: really bad luck! It is not because I stole the water last year on the eve of the new year's eve！！小山村里面有一個“魔泉”。
這里有一個古老的傳說，凡是在除夕之夜喝了“魔泉”的青年未婚男女，將在第二年娶一個最丑陋的妻子或嫁給一個最丑陋的丈夫。從來沒有人敢試一下。
村里有三個最好的朋友，都還沒有娶妻，因為家里太窮了，他們決定冒險一試，即使娶一個最丑的妻子，也比打一輩子光棍強。于是在除夕夜，三個朋友相約來到“玉泉”旁，第一個和第二個男青年都毫不猶豫的喝下了泉水，第三個卻偷偷地把泉水吐掉了。
第二年，喝下泉水的兩個男青年各娶到了一個非常丑陋的妻子，而把泉水吐掉的第三個小伙子卻娶到了全村最漂亮的姑娘做妻子。兩個娶到丑陋妻子的男青年非常不解地問那個好運的朋友，朋友也十分不解，他只知道自己沒喝泉水，卻不知道自己為何會交上好運。
終于，在新婚之夜，妻子告訴了他答案：真倒霉！還不是因為我在去年除夕偷喝了那可惡的水！。
6.英語幽默簡短故事帶翻譯
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”
7.英語幽默小故事,要帶翻譯,3
Who is Stupid?A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!" Little Johnny then stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself！" 誰愚蠢 一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認為自己蠢就站起來？”她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。 “你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？”老師問。
“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。” gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10 A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?" The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!" The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?" The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!" The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?" The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer！" 總是我 一位父親對他的兒子們說：“你們的媽媽明天要烙一張餡餅，誰要吃呢？” 大兒子說：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父親接著說：“明天我要殺一口豬，誰要吃呢？” 又是大兒子說：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父親又說：“明天我們要耕地，誰想耕地呢？” 大兒子再次回答道：“總是我，總是我，這次還是讓其他人來做吧。”
2 Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂貴的代價 牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科醫生：是的。
但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了。 3 A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot. 耶穌的電視機 圣誕節時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。
最后這件藝術品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。 他們對耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。
“可是那個角落里是什么？”媽媽問。 “噢，那是他們的電視機，”孩子回答說。
4 調查員：What is your father's name？ 小弟：Happy！！ 調查員：What is your mother's name？ 小弟：Smile！ 調查員：Are you joking？ 小弟：No!!That's my sister!! I am Kidding!! 5 業余工作 When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. "How was your first day?" I asked. "It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls." Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?" "Do you prefer paper or plastic？" 。 鑰匙還是接吻 A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。
8.英語簡短幽默的小故事（1分半鐘）
Talking clock 會說話的鐘 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning！" 一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。
“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。
“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。
突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！” 這是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"！ 四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了，他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說："恭喜，你得了雙胞胎."男人說："多奇怪呀，我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的 經理."過了一會兒，護士過來對第二個男人說："恭喜，你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡："嗯，又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后，護士跑來對第三個男人 說："恭喜，你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說："真令人啼笑皆非，我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興，但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻，咒罵上帝 并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁，他回答道："什么不對勁？我可是在七喜公司工作呀！" 呵呵，一個比一個效率高.。
9.非常簡短的英語幽默故事帶翻譯
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？"一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”。
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