華閱文章網1.簡短的英語笑話帶翻譯
Feel Unhappy.心里難受
Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?
Father: Of cause, it is.
Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.
Father(angrily): What? You------
兒子：是不是當心里難受時，就不應該再給他精神或肉體上的刺激？
父親：那當然！
兒子：那好，這次我有兩門功課不及格，我現在心里很難受。
父親（氣憤地）：什么？你……
It's not that. 不是那樣的。
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn't raining.
A：我看見7個女孩共撐一把傘卻沒有一個被淋濕。
B：啊？那一定是把很大的傘吧！
A：不是，當時并沒有下雨。
Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon's name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven't you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.
兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。
媽媽：你只關心這個嗎？不會比一下其它東西？
兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
2.簡短的英語笑話或演講稿
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
3.英語小笑話、故事,帶翻譯,簡短,一分鐘左右能說完的
One or Two
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.
Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.
顧客：服務員，我盤子里怎么只有一塊肉？
服務員：先生，請稍候，我去把它切成兩塊。
Father and Son
Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
兒子：爸爸，聽說在非洲的一些地方男人在結婚前根本不認識他的妻子。
父親：孩子，實際上所有的國家都是這樣的。
It depends
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
旅行者：我還能趕上3點鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎？
售票員：那得看你跑得有多快。火車15分鐘前開出。
To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（門廳，大廳） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?
Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.
Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.
在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問坐在首位的那位男士道：
對不起，請問我剛才出去的時候是踩著你的腳嗎？
是的，不過沒什么關系，一點也不疼。
噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。
4.超簡短 英語笑話帶翻譯
你好！
Snorer
瞌睡者
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來！”
Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”
百度教育團隊【海納百川團】為您解答
如滿意，請點擊“選為滿意答案”按鈕，謝謝~
5.英語簡短小笑話,帶翻譯
I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒有睡著 當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。
售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒！” “我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。
“沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。” The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可憐的丈夫 “你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。”
Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪兒？ 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。 “看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。
那爸爸去哪兒了呢？” 哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。” Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？" 狗也知道這個諺語嗎？ 一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？” 一 Can we have our teacher back? Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back？" 能讓我們的老師回去嗎？ 有一次，一位督學去視察一個只有三間教室的學校。
一間教室非常吵鬧，因此督學抓住其中一個正在站著說話的人，把他帶進另一間教室，并讓他站在墻角。五分鐘以后，一個小男孩從第一間教室走進來，問道，“您什么時候能讓我們的老師回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 誰更有禮貌？ 一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。
瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂貴的代價 牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科醫生：是的。
但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了 （望采納）。
6.英語小笑話帶翻譯,簡短一點
一）
迪尼斯之旅（中英）
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction. After three exhausting days,we headed for home.
佛羅里達州的迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅游，我們全身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。筋疲力盡地玩了三天之后，我們要回家了。
As we drove away, our son waved and said : "good bye,Mickey.”
當我們驅車離開時，兒子揮著手說道：“再見，米奇！”
Our daughter waved and said, "goodbye, Minnie.”
女兒揮著手說道：“再見，美妮。”
My husband waved, rather weakly,and said : "goodbye , money.”
丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道：“再見，美元。”
（二）
生財有道（中英）
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”
母親決定盡可能地減少家務開支，于是她自己洗衣服，而不把衣服送到干洗店去干洗了。母親很得意自己的節約之道，對父親自夸道：“弗雷德，你想想，我們又增加了五塊錢的積累，因為我自己動手洗的這些衣服。”
"Good,”my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!”
“好啊！”我父親立即答道：“那就再洗一遍。”
7.求簡短的英語笑話帶翻譯
1. A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die'
The girl refused. Sixty years later, the boy died.
一男生向一女生發誓：親愛的，請你一定要嫁給我，不然我會死掉的
女孩拒絕了。六十年后，那個男生死掉了。
2. Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路標） says, 'School -- Go Slow'
老師：約翰，為什么你每天早上都遲到呢？
約翰：每次我走到街角的時候，都有一塊路牌寫著：“學校-小心慢行”
3. Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book?
Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning。
Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
Tom: He。he robbed my homework book。.
老師：湯姆，你今天為什么遲到這么久？還有你的家庭作業本呢？
湯姆：對不起，老師，我今天在上學的路上32313133353236313431303231363533e78988e69d8331333264646431遇上了一個搶劫犯……
老師：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他搶了你什么東西沒有？
湯姆：他……他搶走了我的家庭作業本……
8.簡單的英語笑話帶翻譯
原發布者：Aprilqsp
英語幽默笑話帶翻譯1:*ewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:"Ithinkthatheisveryill.""Iamafraidthatheisdead."saidthedoctor,Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:"I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.""Bequiet,"saidthewife."thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou！"醫生懂得多一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說："我想他傷得很厲害."醫生說："我怕他已經死了."聽到醫生的話，這個男人轉動著頭說："我沒死，我還活著."妻子說："安靜，醫生比你懂得多."2:Youcan'*iestogeton,butnoonegiveswaytohim. "Hey,letmegetonthebus."themanshouts. "It'*'dbettertakethenextbus."apassengersaystohim. "Butyoucan'tgowithoume.I'mthedriver."themansays. 沒有我你們走不了 公共汽車上很擁擠.一位男士想上車，但是沒有人給他讓路. "喂，讓我上車！"那位男士喊道. "車太擠了，你最好坐下一輛"車上的一位乘客對他說. "但是沒有我你們走不了.我是司機！"那位男士說道.3:DrunkOneday,*age,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwas
9.英語幽默笑話短篇的帶翻譯短
He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他贏了 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？約翰尼：他害病臥床了。
他受了傷。湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。
“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。
他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy。
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