華閱文章網1.簡單的英語小笑話帶翻譯
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 （2） nest n.窩；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓勵 （5） resemble v. 相似；類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”
那孩子回答說。 “那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 （2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家。
2.簡單的英語小笑話（帶翻譯）
1、Boy：?Is?this?seat?empty？?Girl：?Yes?and?this?one?will?be?if?you?sit?down.?男孩：這個座位是空的么？?女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
??2、Boy：?Can?I?buy?you?a?drink？?Girl：?Actually?I'd?rather?have?the?money.?男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？?女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。?3、My?little?dog?can't?read?Mrs.?Brown：?Oh，?my?dear，?I?have?lost?my?precious?little?dog！?Mrs.?Smith：?But?you?must?put?an?advertisement?in?the?papers！??Mrs.?Brown：?It's?no?use，?my?little?dog?can't?read.? 我的狗不識字。
布朗夫人：哦，?親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！?史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！?布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”4、My?Wife?Will?Exchange?Them。
A?gentleman?walks?into?a?store?and?asked?for?a?pair?of?gloves.???″Cloth?or?leather﹖″?asked?the?salesperson.??″Makes?no?difference?″replied?customer.???″What?color﹖″?asked?the?clerk.??″Any″?he?responded.? ″Size﹖″?″Give?me?whatever?you?prefer″?the?gentleman?said?slightly?exasperated.?″My?wife?will?be?back?tomorrow?to?exchange?them.″? 反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。
?“您是要布的還是皮的？”售貨員問。?“沒什么區別。”
這位顧客回答。?“那您要什么顏色的呢？”售貨員又問。
“什么顏色都成。”他回答。
?“號碼呢？”?“您就隨便給我拿一副吧，”這位顧客有點不耐煩了，“反正我太太明天都會來換的。”?5、A??physics?Examination,Once?in?a?physics?examination，?Nick?finished?the?first?question?very?soon，?while?his?classmates?were?thinking?it?hard.??The?question?was：?When?it?thunders?why?do?we?see?the?lighting?first，?then?hear?the?thunder?rolls？??? Nick's?answer：?Because??our?eyes?are?before?ears.??? 一次物理考試。
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
??6、Jim's?History?Examination。Uncle：?How?did?Jim?do?in?his?history?examination?Mother：?Oh，?not?at?all?well，?but?there，?it?wasn't?his?fault.?They?asked?him??things?that?happened?before?the?poor?boy?was?born.??? 吉姆的歷史考試。
舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎么樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。
嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。?7、he?is?really?somebody。
--?My?uncle?has?1000?men?under?him.?--?He?is?really?somebody.?What?does?he?do？--?A?maintenance?man?in?a?cemetery.??? 他真是一個大人物。--?我叔叔下面有1000個人。
--?他真是一個大人物。干什么的？--?墓地守墓人。
擴展資料：笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。
其趣味有高下之分。人類歷史上，人自從有了語言，就已經出現了開玩笑的語言，最早，人們以口相傳，后來有了文字，許多笑話便被記載下來，編書成冊。
但還有很多笑話，是流傳于民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值。同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。
隨著近十年網絡和手機的飛速發展，隨之出現了網絡笑話，網絡流行語，給力大全，手機笑話，雷人語句，笑料聯盟等，促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。參考資料：搜狗百科：笑話。
3.簡單的英語小笑話（帶翻譯）
1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。
" DID YOUR DAD。 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." 5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of * Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴。
湯米回來后，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎？” “是的，媽媽。”湯米回答，“我把它們都試過了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！ 開車 父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。 蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You'er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents * why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆。”
他回答說。“你真是一個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說. “再給你兩分錢。
可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。” 8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I'd know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。
他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說，“他的耳朵還在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。 學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
4.英語小笑話,短,帶翻譯
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒有睡著 當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。
售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒！” “我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。
“沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可憐的丈夫“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。”
Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪兒？ 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。 “看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。
那爸爸去哪兒了呢？” 哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？" 狗也知道這個諺語嗎？ 一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 誰更有禮貌？ 一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。
瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.。
5.英語小笑話帶翻譯,簡短一點
一）
迪尼斯之旅（中英）
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction. After three exhausting days,we headed for home.
佛羅里達州的迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅游，我們全身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。筋疲力盡地玩了三天之后，我們要回家了。
As we drove away, our son waved and said : "good bye,Mickey.”
當我們驅車離開時，兒子揮著手說道：“再見，米奇！”
Our daughter waved and said, "goodbye, Minnie.”
女兒揮著手說道：“再見，美妮。”
My husband waved, rather weakly,and said : "goodbye , money.”
丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道：“再見，美元。”
（二）
生財有道（中英）
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”
母親決定盡可能地減少家務開支，于是她自己洗衣服，而不把衣服送到干洗店去干洗了。母親很得意自己的節約之道，對父親自夸道：“弗雷德，你想想，我們又增加了五塊錢的積累，因為我自己動手洗的這些衣服。”
"Good,”my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!”
“好啊！”我父親立即答道：“那就再洗一遍。”
6.英語小笑話帶翻譯100個
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。” 英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。 -- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you？" 吝嗇鬼請客 一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。
門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。” “為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？” “你的雙手得拿禮物啊。
天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。 英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年輕者” 這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。
如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬別進退休社區。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。
每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。” 英語笑話（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a * I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here？" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發現車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。
當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。” 我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？” 英語笑話（九）The doctor 。
7.英語小笑話,越短越好,帶翻譯
hey Are Directly from America Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was * mady out of * last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. * directly from America. ” 漢譯： 真美鈔 一位中國老婦人到美國去看望女兒回來不久，到一家銀行取存女兒送給她的美元。
在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真仔細的檢查了每一張鈔票看，是否有假。這種做法使老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。
這都是真正的美元，是從美國直接帶來的。” He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他贏了 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？ 約翰尼：他害病臥床了。
他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？ 約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。
“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。
他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。
過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
英語小笑話 上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一個老美看到就笑我說， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 縮寫正好是 Adidas） " 我正驚訝他怎么反應這么快， 聯想力這么豐富時，旁邊的 一個老美幫我解圍， 他說， 有一個很著名的合唱團 Korn， 他們的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能詳的喔！ 下次就換你去取笑老美了. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："且話僂蚰昴？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝。
8.簡短的英語笑話帶翻譯
Feel Unhappy.心里難受
Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?
Father: Of cause, it is.
Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.
Father(angrily): What? You------
兒子：是不是當心里難受時，就不應該再給他精神或肉體上的刺激？
父親：那當然！
兒子：那好，這次我有兩門功課不及格，我現在心里很難受。
父親（氣憤地）：什么？你……
It's not that. 不是那樣的。
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn't raining.
A：我看見7個女孩共撐一把傘卻沒有一個被淋濕。
B：啊？那一定是把很大的傘吧！
A：不是，當時并沒有下雨。
Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon's name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven't you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.
兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。
媽媽：你只關心這個嗎？不會比一下其它東西？
兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
9.簡單的英語小笑話（帶翻譯）
So a guy goes to a fancy dress party with nothing but a girl on his back. “So what are you supposed to be?” the host asked. “I'm a snail.” The guy replied. The host said. “But all you've got is that girl on your back!” “That's not just any girl, mate,” the guy replied, “this is Michelle”. 一個人去參加化裝舞會，但是沒有穿什么奇裝異服，而是在背上背了個女孩。
于是主人就問說你這裝得是什么啊？他就回答說：“我是個蝸牛。”主人就說：“你就背了個姑娘你裝什么蝸牛？”他于是回答說，我可不是隨隨便便背了個姑娘，伙計，這是Michelle“這個笑話只有用英語講才好玩哦~有沒有看出笑點呢？。
10.2分鐘的英語小笑話帶翻譯
man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next？" 兩個獵人進森林里打獵，其中一個獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。
另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經死亡。”
于是，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦？” Talking clock 會說話的鐘 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning！" 一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。
“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。
“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！” Secret For a Long Life A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise." "Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?" "Twenty-six." 長壽秘訣 一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。
“我無意中發現，你是多么幸福，”那女士說。“你幸福而長壽的秘密是什么？” “我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士說。“你高壽？” 回答者： 不懂就問6258 | 三級 | 2010-10-24 16:01 | 檢舉 man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next？" 兩個獵人進森林里打獵，其中一個獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。
另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經死亡。”
于是，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦？” Talking clock 會說話的鐘 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 。
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