華閱文章網1.初中簡短英語小笑話
)They are directly from America.
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
2.簡單的初中英語短文及笑話
這個笑話挺好笑的.生字應該不多.你自己要學查字典的.
Illinois是美國東部一個州.冬天很冷.Florida在美國南部，一年氣候都比較熱.
A BIG E-mail Mistake
An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
3.要一篇初中英文小笑話,最好是短的（帶翻譯）
I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？” “沒有，老師。
可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” “I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ,I under場護擺咎肢僥扮鞋堡貓stand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。”
4.短篇英語笑話（初一）一分鐘
TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。
" DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?" "No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim. 你爸爸幫你了嗎？ 一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興 ，同時也十分驚訝。
他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都 做對了，怎么回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？" "不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。" 英語幽默笑話Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 圣誕節英語笑話Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students. 祝老師圣誕節充滿平安和愛。
Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year! May the season bring much pleasure to you. 愿你的圣誕光彩奪目，愿你的新年燦爛輝煌！佳節快樂！ Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas season. 愿你擁有圣誕節所有美好的祝福。 Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season. 祝節日幸福如意。
Hope all your Christmas dreams come true！ 愿你所有的圣誕夢想都成真！ 英語短笑話一：She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didn"t sayanything.” 二：I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”。
5.求初中英語短篇笑話
1.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。
如果你只有65歲的話，千萬別進退休社區。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。
每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。” *: Freddie, why is your face so red?Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a *: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.媽媽：弗雷迪，你的臉為什么那么紅？弗雷迪：我剛才在大街上跑，為的是阻止一次打架？媽媽：你做的對，誰和誰在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。 3.A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable * being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.'一位著名牧師和他教區的幾位老人出席城外會議直到天黑才開完會，他們打算在回家前吃點東西。
但很不巧只有一家名聲不好的下等酒吧烤菜館開著門。飯后，一位老人要牧師祈禱。
“我想我是免了，”牧師說。“我不想讓主知道我在這里。”
*: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?Jack: *: And why?Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.湯姆：威廉向我借五英鎊。我該不該借給他？杰克：當然應該了。
湯姆：為什么？杰克：否則他就該跟我借了。 5.I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded.'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him.'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed.我陪丈夫一起出差，他帶著他的手提式計算機。
機場出口處檢查員要他打開包。他耐心的等著我那窘迫的丈夫設法回想起暗鎖的密碼。
最后他終于想起來了。“你為什么那么緊張呢？”我問他。
“這密碼是我們結婚紀念日。”他承認道 6. An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?''Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.''It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'一位耳聾并且總是嫌東西太貴的老太太走進一家商店。
她問店員：“這東西要多少錢？”“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的。” 老太太說：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。”
店員忙說：“我沒說十七美元，是七美元。”“還是太貴，”老太太說：“五美元，我就買啦。”
*: Why are you jumping up and down?Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle. 媽媽：你為什么不停地跳上跳下的？湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了 * evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping * my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a * I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here？'一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發現車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。”
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？” *. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?*: *n: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it？ 約翰遜先生：今天下午你準備用割草機嗎？史密斯先生：是的。約翰遜先生：太好了。
既然您不用網球拍，那我可以借用一下嗎？ * was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.''Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸煙，一天對他抱怨說：“我希望有一天所有卷煙廠都失火。”“不用擔心，親愛的，所有的煙卷遲早都會點著的。”
他笑著說。
6.適合初中生的 短點的英語笑話,要帶翻譯的
Geography teacher ask students to heaven, where the river flow?
A student fierce stood up to the east. :
The teacher didn't ignore him, saying, how many stars in heaven?
The students are singing: the stars and big dipper.
The teacher flustered: you give me out!
Student: I will go away.
The teacher but say: you sick?
Student: you have me have all have!
Teacher: you say a try.
Student: road sees rough a roar!
Teacher: your letter not letter I hit you?
Student: make moves when it's necessary to make moves.
The teacher nu: I let you out!
Student: breeze breeze fire fire rush nine states!
Ha ha, outside the interloper wandering wishes the brothers and sisters
7.適合初中生的英語小笑話,簡單的,帶意思,緊急
英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。” 英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。 -- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you？" 吝嗇鬼請客 一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。
門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。” “為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？” “你的雙手得拿禮物啊。
天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。 答案補充 英語笑話（七）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a * I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here？" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發現車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。
當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。” 我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？”。
8.有沒有初中的英語短篇笑話
“I have good news for you,”the doctor answered,taking out a small bottle,“Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream,Take a few of these,and your trouble will be over.”
“Great,thank you.”the woman was very glad to go back home with the pills.
A few weeks later,the woman returned,looked worse than ever,she said,“Doctor,your pills are not good at all.I'm more tired than before.”“I don't understand how that could be,”said the doctor,shaking his head,“Those are the strongest pills on the market.”“That mey be true,”answered the woman,“but I'm still up all night running after those dogs and when I funally catch one,it's hard getting him to eat the pills.”
一段時間后，那個女人回來了，看比過去更糟了，他說
醫生，你的藥一點也不好，我比以前更累了
醫生搖著頭說，我搞不懂為什么會變成這樣
這是超市里最有效的藥了
那可能是真的，女人說，但是我每個晚上一直都追逐著那些狗，最終我抓到了一只，但是太難讓他們吃下藥片了。
意思就是說，醫生要女人吃藥，但是女人卻以為要狗吃藥
這是一個笑話