華閱文章網1.幽默英語演講小短文（2分鐘的）
As food is to the body, so is learning to the mind. Our bodies grow and muscles develop with the intake of adequate nutritious food. Likewise, we should keep learning day by day to maintain our keen mental power and expand our intellectual capacity. Constant learning supplies us with inexhaustible fuel for driving us to sharpen our power of reasoning, analysis, and judgment. Learning incessantly is the surest way to keep pace with the times in the information age, and an infallible warrant of success in times of uncertainty. Once learning stops, vegetation sets in. It is a common fallacy to regard school as the only workshop for the acquisition of knowledge. On the contrary, learning should be a never-ending process, from the cradle to the grave. With the world ever changing so fast, the cease from learning for just a few days will make a person lag behind. What's worse, the animalistic instinct dormant deep in our subconsciousness will come to life, weakening our will to pursue our noble ideal, sapping our determination to sweep away obstacles to our success and strangling our desire for the refinement of our character. Lack of learning will inevitably lead to the stagnation of the mind, or even worse, its fossilization, Therefore, to stay mentally young, we have to take learning as a lifelong career. 學習之于心靈，就像食物之于身體一樣。
攝取了適量的營養食物，我們的身體得以生長而肌肉得以發達。同樣地，我們應該日復一日不斷地學習以保持我們敏銳的心智能力，并擴充我們的智力容量。
不斷的學習提供我們用不盡的燃料，來驅使我們磨利我們的推理、分析和判斷的能力。持續的學習是在信息時代中跟時代并駕齊驅的最穩當的方法，也是在變動的世代中成功的可靠保證。
一旦學習停止，單調貧乏的生活就開始了。視學校為汲取知識的唯一場所是種常見的謬誤。
相反地，學習應該是一種無終止的歷程，從生到死。由于世界一直快速地在變動，只要學習停頓數日就將使人落后。
更糟的是，蟄伏在我們潛意識深處的獸性本能就會復活，削弱我們追求高貴理想的意志，弱化我們掃除成功障礙的決心，而且扼殺我們凈化我們人格的欲望。缺少學習將不可避免地導致心靈的停滯，甚至更糟地，使其僵化。
因此，為了保持心理年輕，我們必須將學習當作一生的事業。 * schoolwork【課業繁重】 In my opinion, the schoolwork now being assigned to high school students is too heavy. While it is true that students need to study, they need other things as well if they are to grow into healthy and well-rounded adults. High should be allowed more time for play. Playing is not wasting time, as some think. It gives them physical exercise, and also exercise their imagination. Which tends to be stifled by too much study. Finally, the pressure put on high school students by excessive schoolwork can cause serious stress, which is unhealthy physically and mentally. I do not advocate the elimination of schoolwork. I do think, however, that a reduction of the current heavy load would be beneficial to students and to the society as a whole. 我認為目前高中生的課業實在太重了，雖然說學生的確應當念書，但是要想長大成為健全的人，他門還需要一些其它的東西，所以應該給高中生較多從事娛樂的時間。
娛樂并不如某些人所想的，是在浪費時間，它可以讓學生鍛煉身體，發揮被繁重課業扼殺的想象力。此外，繁重的課業加諸在高中生身上的壓力可能引起嚴重的情緒緊張，這對身心都有害。
我并非主張廢除學校課業，但是我認為減輕目前繁重的課業對于學生和整個社會都是有益的。 *【時間】 Lost time is never found again. This is something which I learned very clearly last semester. I spent so much time fooling around that my grades began to suffer. I finally realized that something had to be done. It was time for a change. Now I have a new plan for using my time wisely. I have set my alarm clock ahead half an hour. This will give me a head start on the day. I have also decided to keep a log of what I do and when I do it. Looking back on what I've done will give me some ideas on how to reorganize my time. 時光一去不復返，這是我上學期清楚學到的教訓。
我浪費很多時間四處游蕩，以致于我的成績開始退步。最后我終于了解到我必須有所作為；該是痛改前非的時候了。
現在我有一個明智運用時間的新方法。我已將鬧鐘早撥半小時，這將使我這一天的作息提前開始。
我也決定將我所做的一切及做這些事的時間記錄下來。回顧我所做的事情會啟發我如何重新安排我的時間。
* and Play【工作與娛樂】 Work and play do not contradict each other; in fact, they complement each other. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." A life burdened with work leads you nowhere, for you would get tired and bored with your daily routine work. 。
2.英語簡單幽默短小演講
Talking clock 會說話的鐘 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning！" 一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。
“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。
“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。
突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！” 這是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"！ 四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了，他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說："恭喜，你得了雙胞胎."男人說："多奇怪呀，我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的 經理."過了一會兒，護士過來對第二個男人說："恭喜，你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡："嗯，又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后，護士跑來對第三個男人 說："恭喜，你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說："真令人啼笑皆非，我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興，但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻，咒罵上帝 并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁，他回答道："什么不對勁？我可是在七喜公司工作呀！"這里還有：。
7.求搞笑的英語演講稿3分鐘左右
Tom and John are exchanging * are very good friends,yet they have never * how do they become friends? By computer! Now the Internet is being used by busnesses,governments and * fact,the Internet anyone can use it if his or her computer is connected to it. They can use the Internet to send the * and John become friends because they both like the same * sent letters to the news group on the Internet where the can discuss it. They find than they have many things in common.
湯姆和約翰在交換意見。他們是很好的朋友，但是他們從來沒有見過面。那么他們是怎么成為朋友的呢？通過電腦！現在網絡被公司，政府和學生們使用。實際上只要電腦連接在網絡上，任何人都可以使用它。他們可以用它來發送電子郵件。湯姆和約翰成為朋友是因為他們喜歡同樣的歌曲。他們把郵件發送到網絡上的新聞中心，在那里他們可以討論。他們發現他們有很多相同的地方。
8.求一篇搞笑的英語演講稿
Text（正文）：A Brother Like That A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present. On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. "Is this your car, Mister?" he said. Paul nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Christmas." The boy was astounded. "You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn't cost you nothing? Boy, I wish . . ." He hesitated. Of course Paul knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels. "I wish," the boy went on, "That I could be a brother like that." Paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, "Would you like to take a ride in my car?" "Oh yes, Id love that." After a short ride, the boy turned with his eyes aglow, said, "Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?" Paul smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Paul was wrong again. "Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Paul heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car. "There she is, Buddy, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn't cost him a cent. And some day Im gonna give you one just like it . . . then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that Ive been trying to tell you about." Paul got out and lifted the lad to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride. That Christmas Eve, Paul learned what Jesus meant when he said: "It is more blessed to give . . . " 內容： 哥哥的心愿 圣誕節時，保羅的哥哥送他一輛新車。
圣誕節當天，保羅離開辦公室時，一個男孩繞著那輛閃閃發亮的新車，十分贊嘆地問： "先生，這是你的車？" 保羅點點頭："這是我哥哥送給我的圣誕節禮物。"男孩滿臉驚訝，支支吾吾地說："你是說這是你哥送的禮物，沒花你一分錢？天哪，我真希望也能……" 保羅當然知道男孩他真想希望什么。
他希望能有一個象那樣的哥哥。但是小男孩接下來說的話卻完全出乎了保羅的意料。
"我希望自己能成為送車給弟弟的哥哥。"男孩繼續說。
保羅驚愕地看著那男孩，沖口而出地說："你要不要坐我的車去兜風？" "哦，當然好了，我太想坐了！" 車開了一小段路后，那孩子轉過頭來，眼睛閃閃發亮，對我說："先生，你能不能把車子開到我家門前？" 保羅微笑，他知道孩子想干什么。那男孩必定是要向鄰居炫耀，讓大家知道他坐了一部大轎車回家。
但是這次保羅又猜錯了。"你能不能把車子停在那兩個臺階前？"男孩要求道。
男孩跑上了階梯，過了一會兒保羅聽到他回來了，但動作似乎有些緩慢。原來把他跛腳的弟弟帶出來了，將他安置在第一個臺階上，緊緊地抱著他，指著那輛新車。
只聽那男孩告訴弟弟："你看，這就是我剛才在樓上對你說的那輛新車。這是保羅他哥哥送給他的哦！將來我也會送給你一輛像這樣的車，到那時候你就能自己去看那些在圣誕節時，掛窗口上的漂亮飾品了，就象我告訴過你的那樣。
" 保羅走下車子，把跛腳男孩抱到車子的前座。興奮得滿眼放光的哥哥也爬上車子，坐在弟弟的身旁。
就這樣他們三人開始一次令人難忘的假日兜風。 那個圣誕夜，保羅才真正體會主耶穌所說的"施比受更有福"的道理。