華閱文章網1.英語幽默短句100個
1. Money is not everything. There's Mastercard and Visa.
鈔票不是萬能的，畢竟有時還需要信用卡。
2. One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每個人都應該熱愛動物，因為它們很好吃。
3. Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要節約用水，所以盡量和女友一起洗澡。
4. Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去愛你的鄰居，不過不要讓她的老公知道。
5. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
每個成功男人的背后，都有一個女人。每個不成功男人的背后，都有兩個或更多。
6. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結婚，畢竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
7. The wise never marry,and when they marry they become otherwise..
聰明人都是未婚的，結婚的人很難再聰明起來。
8. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一個相關名詞，它會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚。
9. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
10. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
愛情就像照片，需要大量的暗房時間來培養。
2.求英文幽默簡短的句子
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?
Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep. <；強推>
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. <；強推這句>
Hard work never killed anybody. But why take the risk?
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
夠暸嗎？
3.求英語簡短小笑話 5句 10個
1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch *:There is no electricity *:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on. 邁克：媽媽，我想看電視。
媽媽：今晚停電了。邁克：那我們就點著蠟燭看吧。
* Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 魚網 "你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。 "把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。
" 小女孩回答道。3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
4. I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue！ " 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 “是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”
5. A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。
她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。
她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？”6. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 -- 他真是一個大人物。
干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。
在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。
這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。” * little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
9. Bring me the winner —- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。 -- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 10. Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年輕者” 這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。
如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬別進退休社區。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。
每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。”。
4.幽默風趣的一些英語句子
1. Money is not everything. There's Mastercard and Visa. 鈔票不是萬能的，畢竟有時還需要信用卡。
2. One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每個人都應該熱愛動物，因為它們很好吃。 3. Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要節約用水，所以盡量和女友一起洗澡。
4. Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去愛你的鄰居，不過不要讓她的老公知道。 5. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more. 每個成功男人的背后，都有一個女人。
每個不成功男人的背后，都有兩個或更多。 6. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結婚，畢竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
7. The wise never marry,and when they marry they become otherwise.. 聰明人都是未婚的，結婚的人很難再聰明起來。 8. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一個相關名詞，它會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚。
9. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。 10. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 愛情就像照片，需要大量的暗房時間來培養。
11. Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后座上的小孩會生出意外，后座上的意外會生出小孩。 12. "Your future depends on your dreams."So go to sleep. 現在的夢想決定著你的將來，所以，還是再睡一會吧。
13. There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 應該有更好的方式開始新的一天，而不是千篇一律地在每個上午都醒來。 14. Hard work never killed any * why take the risk？ 努力工作不會導致死亡。
但為什么要冒險呢？ 15. “Work fascinates me.“ I can look at it for hours！ 工作好有意思耶！尤其是看著別人工作。 16. God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神決定了誰是你的親戚，幸運的是在選擇朋友方面他給了你留了余地。
17. When two's company, three's the result！ 兩個人的狀態是不穩定的，三個人才是！ 18. A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服飾就象鐵絲網，它阻止你冒然行動但并不妨礙你盡情的觀看。 19. The more you learn, the more you know;The more you know, the more you forget;The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 學的越多，知道的越多， 知道的越多，忘記的越多， 忘記的越多，知道的越少， 為什么學來著。
參考整理于網絡。
5.英語幽默短句
1) I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我愛你，不是因為你是一個怎樣的人，而是因為我喜歡與你在一起時的感覺。
2) No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
沒有人值得你流淚，值得讓你這么做的人不會讓你哭泣。
3) The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
失去某人，最糟糕的莫過于，他近在身旁，卻猶如遠在天邊。
4) Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
縱然傷心，也不要愁眉不展，因為你不知是誰會愛上你的笑容。
5) To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
對于世界而言，你是一個人；但是對于某個人，你是他的整個世界。
6) Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要為那些不愿在你身上花費時間的人而浪費你的時間。
7) Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
愛你的人如果沒有按你所希望的方式來愛你，那并不代表他們沒有全心全意地愛你。
8) Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要著急，最好的總會在最不經意的時候出現。
9) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
在遇到夢中人之前，上天也許會安排我們先遇到別的人；在我們終于遇見心儀的人時，便應當心存感激。
10) Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因為結束而哭泣，微笑吧，為你的曾經擁有。
6.英語幽默短句100個
1. Money is not everything. There's Mastercard and Visa. 鈔票不是萬能的，畢竟有時還需要信用卡。
2. One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每個人都應該熱愛動物，因為它們很好吃。 3. Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要節約用水，所以盡量和女友一起洗澡。
4. Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去愛你的鄰居，不過不要讓她的老公知道。 5. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more. 每個成功男人的背后，都有一個女人。
每個不成功男人的背后，都有兩個或更多。 6. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結婚，畢竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
7. The wise never marry,and when they marry they become otherwise.. 聰明人都是未婚的，結婚的人很難再聰明起來。 8. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一個相關名詞，它會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚。
9. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。 10. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 愛情就像照片，需要大量的暗房時間來培養。
7.求英文幽默簡短的句子
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn? Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep. <強推>Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. <強推這句> Hard work never killed anybody. But why take the risk? Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 夠暸嗎？。
8.簡單 短的 幽默的英語笑話
Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 為我所用 一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。” “請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。“我要講給我認識的一只跳蚤聽。 Too Fast or Too Slow A man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him. "Was I driving too fast,officer?"the man asked. "NO,"the policeman answered,"You were flying too slow." 太慢或太快 一個男人正在以130英里每小時的速度行駛，當一個警察看見他時， 他問：“我開的太快了嗎？警官。” “不”，警察說，“你飛的太慢了。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 （2） nest n.窩；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓勵 （5） resemble v. 相似；類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。 “是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。 “那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。 “哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we po
9.能給幾個搞笑又經典的英文句子
先給幾個：
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
鈔票不是萬能的，有時還需要信用卡。
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每個人都應該熱愛動物，因為它們很好吃。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
每個成功男人的背后，都有一個女人。每個不成功男人的背后，都有兩個。
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
“現在的夢想決定著你的將來”，所以還是再睡一會吧。
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
應該有更好的方式開始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每個上午都醒來。
"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "
“努力工作不會導致死亡！”不過我不會用自己去證明。
"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
“工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看著別人工作。
When two's company, three's the result!
兩個人的狀態是不穩定的，三個人才是！
最后給幾個無敵的：
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
后排座位上的小孩會生出意外，后排座位上的意外會生出小孩。
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要節約用水，盡量和女友一起洗澡。
Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去愛你的鄰居，不過不要讓她的老公知道。
^_^請笑納