華閱文章網1.要個搞笑雙簧劇本,英文的
雙簧劇本 （供參考） 編劇 賈宗文 演員：甲乙分別由一男一女擔任，要風趣、幽默、滑稽、詼諧。
道具：一把椅子即可。 A and B are: now we both give us a small performance programs: two-man. A: This is a small program is the most prominent characteristic of a light lip. B: Another do - we can not say. A: Generally speaking, if more girls love that. B: Second like to talk, his active boys, do not love wordy. A: This is, to me. B: I do. A: I said Miao. B: I do good. A: I am talking about. B: I do. A: I said quickly. B: I do live. A: Good, Our test. I said that this high mountain water long, crossed over the Yalu River. B: (Action) left向高處a yang, waved his right hand forward. Cross-step to the left leg. A:'s that simple? B: do not know how the bar, called this type of language the United States and its simple crisper, see at a. A: Well, I said that fly over the Pacific. B: (Action) - arms Youth Pre-employment Training fly. A: This is up? B: right, which is up. A: Hey! You will ah. B: I anyway you Easy. You說啥Our will做啥. A: I said this to eat, drink, sleep ----- B: (Action) doing eat, drink, sleep-like-邊說： "simple simple，小菜一碟." A: gossip less, Let It officially began -- A, B in place, a performance that started to do B: Girls love that dress up the big, in fact, you do not know, this is a big boys love the dress. Just dress up technology is not high enough, there is one point I am sorry, it is not often you露一手. This holiday, under a girlfriend about to見一見face, it is not just small things, not careless. I have to spend on the 1212 work, I saw how other people女娃were secretly dress up at school under the幾招are used, properly dressed up with me if Our also on a US. No one will take advantage of these, immediately instructed to wash the left face wash wash right, left right wash wash, wash left wash right, left right wash washing, the washing of washing, washing on the washing, washing on the washing, the wash under washing ------- B: "I do not do it, and this is not jeans unabashedly called son of cloth films，都快washing Black All of also dress up啥！" A: The "do not wash, do not wash and began combing hair." This hair of toiletry dress, it is too important.梳好， that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, oh, oh, it prevented the marriage. In short, should be taken seriously. Hair Design is the key. The hairstyle changes now also too fast is really dazzling, "waved stop" just past, "explosive" rushed on the head, L-Type, D-left fraction, fractional right, the flower after flower shawls，五花eight Cai Qi breeze, rolled hair, long hair type, party type, dynamic type of art, modern type, the type is the most popular short hair romantic type, characterized by fewer and fewer, less, less and less , less and less, less, less, less, less and less ------ B: are into skinhead All of went to see my girlfriend! A :----- the short hair skinhead romantic type.。
2.要個搞笑雙簧劇本,英文的
雙簧劇本 （供參考） 編劇 賈宗文 演員：甲乙分別由一男一女擔任，要風趣、幽默、滑稽、詼諧。
道具：一把椅子即可。 A and B are: now we both give us a small performance programs: two-man. A: This is a small program is the most prominent characteristic of a light lip. B: Another do - we can not say. A: Generally speaking, if more girls love that. B: Second like to talk, his active boys, do not love wordy. A: This is, to me. B: I do. A: I said Miao. B: I do good. A: I am talking about. B: I do. A: I said quickly. B: I do live. A: Good, Our test. I said that this high mountain water long, crossed over the Yalu River. B: (Action) left向高處a yang, waved his right hand forward. Cross-step to the left leg. A:'s that simple? B: do not know how the bar, called this type of language the United States and its simple crisper, see at a. A: Well, I said that fly over the Pacific. B: (Action) - arms Youth Pre-employment Training fly. A: This is up? B: right, which is up. A: Hey! You will ah. B: I anyway you Easy. You說啥Our will做啥. A: I said this to eat, drink, sleep ----- B: (Action) doing eat, drink, sleep-like-邊說： "simple simple，小菜一碟." A: gossip less, Let It officially began -- A, B in place, a performance that started to do B: Girls love that dress up the big, in fact, you do not know, this is a big boys love the dress. Just dress up technology is not high enough, there is one point I am sorry, it is not often you露一手. This holiday, under a girlfriend about to見一見face, it is not just small things, not careless. I have to spend on the 1212 work, I saw how other people女娃were secretly dress up at school under the幾招are used, properly dressed up with me if Our also on a US. No one will take advantage of these, immediately instructed to wash the left face wash wash right, left right wash wash, wash left wash right, left right wash washing, the washing of washing, washing on the washing, washing on the washing, the wash under washing ------- B: "I do not do it, and this is not jeans unabashedly called son of cloth films，都快washing Black All of also dress up啥！" A: The "do not wash, do not wash and began combing hair." This hair of toiletry dress, it is too important.梳好， that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, oh, oh, it prevented the marriage. In short, should be taken seriously. Hair Design is the key. The hairstyle changes now also too fast is really dazzling, "waved stop" just past, "explosive" rushed on the head, L-Type, D-left fraction, fractional right, the flower after flower shawls，五花eight Cai Qi breeze, rolled hair, long hair type, party type, dynamic type of art, modern type, the type is the most popular short hair romantic type, characterized by fewer and fewer, less, less and less , less and less, less, less, less, less and less ------ B: are into skinhead All of went to see my girlfriend! A :----- the short hair skinhead romantic type.。
3.雙簧搞笑雙人英語臺詞（要有How many,How much,How often）
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?BritneySpears14: *inja: Slip out of those pants baby, *ySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, *inja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard *ySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress *inja: Me too *ySpears14: I kiss you softly on your *inja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful *ySpears14: Hey。
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the *ySpears14: Funny I still don't see *inja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the *ySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is *inja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the *inja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 *ySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of *inja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of *inja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard *inja: Baby?--------------BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm *ySpears14: I like your music Em。 Tee *BNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the *ySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show *ySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular *BNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard *ySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me *BNJA: Oh ****BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie p0rn you f*ck *BNJA: Oh ****eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or somethingHow abouot this one?。
4.雙簧搞笑雙人英語臺詞（要有How many,How much,How often）
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?BritneySpears14: *inja: Slip out of those pants baby, *ySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, *inja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard *ySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress *inja: Me too *ySpears14: I kiss you softly on your *inja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful *ySpears14: Hey。
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the *ySpears14: Funny I still don't see *inja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the *ySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is *inja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the *inja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 *ySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of *inja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of *inja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard *inja: Baby?--------------BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm *ySpears14: I like your music Em。 Tee *BNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the *ySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show *ySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular *BNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard *ySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me *BNJA: Oh ****BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie p0rn you f*ck *BNJA: Oh ****eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or somethingHow abouot this one?。
5.英語雙簧劇本
演員：甲乙分別由一男一女擔任，要風趣、幽默、滑稽、詼諧。
道具：一把椅子即可。 A and B are: now we both give us a small performance programs: two-man. A: This is a small program is the most prominent characteristic of a light lip. B: Another do - we can not say. A: Generally speaking, if more girls love that. B: Second like to talk, his active boys, do not love wordy. A: This is, to me. B: I do. A: I said Miao. B: I do good. A: I am talking about. B: I do. A: I said quickly. B: I do live. A: Good, Our test. I said that this high mountain water long, crossed over the Yalu River. B: (Action) left向高處a yang, waved his right hand forward. Cross-step to the left leg. A:'s that simple? B: do not know how the bar, called this type of language the United States and its simple crisper, see at a. A: Well, I said that fly over the Pacific. B: (Action) - arms Youth Pre-employment Training fly. A: This is up? B: right, which is up. A: Hey! You will ah. B: I anyway you Easy. You說啥Our will做啥. A: I said this to eat, drink, sleep ----- B: (Action) doing eat, drink, sleep-like-邊說： "simple simple，小菜一碟." A: gossip less, Let It officially began -- A, B in place, a performance that started to do B: Girls love that dress up the big, in fact, you do not know, this is a big boys love the dress. Just dress up technology is not high enough, there is one point I am sorry, it is not often you露一手. This holiday, under a girlfriend about to見一見face, it is not just small things, not careless. I have to spend on the 1212 work, I saw how other people女娃were secretly dress up at school under the幾招are used, properly dressed up with me if Our also on a US. No one will take advantage of these, immediately instructed to wash the left face wash wash right, left right wash wash, wash left wash right, left right wash washing, the washing of washing, washing on the washing, washing on the washing, the wash under washing ------- B: "I do not do it, and this is not jeans unabashedly called son of cloth films，都快washing Black All of also dress up啥！" A: The "do not wash, do not wash and began combing hair." This hair of toiletry dress, it is too important.梳好， that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, that beautiful, that the United States, oh, oh, it prevented the marriage. In short, should be taken seriously. Hair Design is the key. The hairstyle changes now also too fast is really dazzling, "waved stop" just past, "explosive" rushed on the head, L-Type, D-left fraction, fractional right, the flower after flower shawls，五花eight Cai Qi breeze, rolled hair, long hair type, party type, dynamic type of art, modern type, the type is the most popular short hair romantic type, characterized by fewer and fewer, less, less and less , less and less, less, less, less, less and less ------ B: are into skinhead All of went to see my girlfriend! A :----- the short hair skinhead romantic type. 翻譯上谷歌在線翻譯……愿你滿意呵呵……。
6.簡短搞笑雙簧臺詞
最低0.27元開通文庫會員，查看完整內容> 原發布者：章義東 雙簧臺詞各位領導、同志們：大家好！陳：眼看年關到白：四處放鞭炮陳：今兒個俺哥倆賣弄一下，給大家逗個笑。
白：表演一段雙簧，祝每個家庭喜氣滿堂。陳：演的不好，求求大家看完別跑。
（陳去撲菲子粉，系小辮）同時，白：這個雙簧可不是誰都能演的，它對演員素質的要求是很高的，咱們倆得一個在前面一邊表演一邊做動作，另一個在后邊說臺詞，從遠處一看呀，跟一個人似的，這就要求兩人的表演要非常有默契，非常的配合，要不然雙簧就不叫雙簧了。我這個搭檔啊，愛露臉，這不前幾天聽說個笑話嗎，他用心了，一口酒不喝的人，硬是喝了半斤白酒，然后跑遼河大街上去了。
正巧那天有個信號燈不亮，他順桿就爬上去了，一抻脖，我的媽呀，好幾輛汽車都追尾了。我得看看搭檔化完妝沒有，咦？怎么咋瞅咋象孫大美啊！陳：你不埋汰人行不？剛才我在后臺都聽見了，這家伙把我磕磣的！不就沒讓你在前面露臉嗎？你以為誰都能在前邊整啊？后邊好整，前邊費勁，你知道不？還管叫什么孫大美，我鄭重透漏一下，俺家祖上那叫陳世美。
我都O了，咱開逮吧！你暫時在后邊整，我在前邊整。一會再讓你到前面過癮啊！白：沒問題。
放心吧，看咱倆這眼鏡戴得這么厚，咋瞅咋有才，演不好多砢磣啊！陳：我用手一拍大腿你就開始。白：行，開始了你就不能說話了啊，得聽我指揮。
陳：o了。（一拍大腿）白：后面遭罪的是，前面蹦出個白臉狼。
這些年可把我憋夠戧，沒人知道我會演雙簧。你看我伸出右掌，去掉蹼，掰。
7.簡短雙簧臺詞幽默
甲：接下來，我們來給大家說一段雙簧。
乙：對，說一段雙簧。
甲：雙簧跟相聲不一樣。
乙：那一點不一樣呢？
甲：相聲是一左一右，而雙簧啊一前一后。前面的坐著，后面的蹲著，前面表演不說話，后面說話不表演。知道的呢是兩個人在表演，而不知道的呢就跟一個人似的。
乙：對，相聲講究的是說、學、斗、唱，顯示兩個的嘴皮的厲害。
甲：對，那么今天我們倆在這里給大家說演一段雙簧，你行不行。是第一次吧。
乙：對。
甲：哦，謝謝你把你的第一次獻給我了。好，那么現在我們就開始了？
乙：好，開始，那誰在前面誰在后面呢？
甲：這還用說嗎？你讓大家看看，當然是我在前面了？
乙：好，那就你在前面。
甲：你看好了，只要我一坐好，你就開始說話。
乙：哦，你一坐好，我就開始說話？行，來。
甲：（動作）
乙：叫各位，聽我講，欣賞雙簧最理想，有說有笑有模樣，先請各位鼓鼓掌，鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓鼓掌。我這個人啊，是最喜歡表演的了，為什么呢，因為我是你，你，還有你，你們大家的兒子。
甲：停，你出來，怎么說話的，你這是。你能有這么多爸爸嗎？
乙：沒錯啊，你想想，在座的好朋友都我們的衣食父母，這難道有錯嗎？
甲：哦，那還差不多。好，再來。
乙；中央人民廣播電臺，四川人民廣播電臺，++人民廣播電臺，++++私人廣播電臺，中播250兆赫，短播不管三七二十一胡說八道節目現在。。。。。開。。。。開。。。。開。。。開始，飛亞達表向您準確報時，嘀。。。嘀嘀。。。嘀嘀嘀。。。。咣。。。。現在是北京時間：八點整，首先請您欣賞每周一歌，什么叫每周一歌呢，你知道嗎，就是有一位老太太，每周換一位師哥。嘻。。。嘻嘻。。。。。下面，請大家欣賞日本電視連續劇《還珠格格》的主題曲：山路十八摸，演唱者是周潤發的表姐容嬤嬤。喲。。。大哥你輕點喲。。。。我這里好痛喲。。但是你別停下來。。。你慢慢地來喲。。。要。。要。。我要嘛。。。嗯。。。我要嘛。。嗯。。。。我要嘛。
甲：停，出來，你發騷呢，你要什么？？你說。
乙：你不是說讓我自由發揮的嘛，演到這里，我就。
甲：哦，演到這里你他媽的就發騷啊，重來。
乙：哦。接下來。我再給大家唱一首歌。。。。。曲，一首民族歌。。。。曲。我爸爸掉河里了。。嘻嘻。。。我媽媽掉河里了。。。嘻嘻。。。我爺爺掉河了，我奶奶掉河里了，我全家都掉河里了。。。。。撲嗵。。。。傻B了吧。朋友，你喜歡放屁嗎？放屁乃是人之長情，生理的需要。美國總統布什有一句名言：有屁不放，憋壞心臟，沒屁硬擠，鍛煉身體，米蘭會所 小品演員李強也有一句名言：傻子放屁。無憂無慮。李強說話，就像放屁。掌聲鼓勵。
8.200字搞笑雙簧臺詞2個 22分鐘內來有重謝
《搞好英語》 A：大家晚上好嗎？（很痛苦，很無助地打招呼，待觀眾響應后） 可我過得不咋的啊！ B：哎！人活著真累，站著就想睡，去食堂還排隊，吃飯沒香味，學習啊，特疲憊！ 為啥啊？四六級唄！不和你們聊了，我要去綜合樓前的小樹林里背英語單詞了。
BYE BYE！（回頭面朝觀眾）我還不想當電燈泡呢！得了，就在這兒背吧！ A：（坐在地板上嘰里呱啦背單詞） B：日子過得好難，看到英語就煩，說是不想再考了那是扯淡，離我（扳手指數到7 ）第七次補考還剩三十二天了。 A：干（HA 念第二聲）呀？沒看到我在這兒背單詞？吵什么吵？ B：哦，不好意思。
我也想在這兒背一會兒單詞。 A：啥？你也在這兒背？這兒？（指地上）就這兒？ B：不錯，就這兒。
雖然地上臟了一點，將就一下算了。（收回A得手指） A：你還將就一下？對不起，我將非常鄭重而又沉重地對你宣稱：這個位子我已經占 了。
B：這兒也能占？怎么占啊？ A：看來你是不到黃河心不死，不見棺材不落淚。（從地上拿起一張“心相印”牌衛生紙） 看見了吧？一張衛生紙，“心相印”牌的（聞一下）賊香！ B：這——這——這也行啊！ A：占座四大件，大學都傳遍。
沒有書包用坐墊，沒有坐墊用名片，實在不行，衛生紙 鋪遍。地球人都知道。
（對B）就差你了。 B：好好，算你行！我是火星上來的行了吧？ A：不像（打量B）像土星上來的。
B：兄弟，咱倆還是背單詞吧。 A：干（HA 念第二聲）這么著急啊？補考四五次了吧？ B：（握A的手）知音知音啊！我補考六次了。
A：放開（甩A的手）誰是 你的知音啊！我才補考四次呢！ B：哎，因為這四級，我都和女朋友黃了。 A：啊！連鎖反應這么大啊了（努力擠眼淚，用吐沫摸在眼角扮眼淚同情0說出來哥 們和你一起分擔吧！ B：我不想說。
A：說啊！ B：俺不嘛！（作忸怩狀） A：說出來大家可以和你一起分擔嗎？免得憋在心里悶得慌，大伙兒說是不是啊？（ 提高聲音） B：哎！（低頭陷入無盡的往事回憶之中）那是在一個月朗風清的晚上 A：（張開雙手）ROMATIC! B：我拉著她的手，放在我手心（拉著A的手）我知道她根本沒有對我生氣（模仿 《沖動的懲罰》聲調） A：天還沒黑呢！（模仿B的女朋友） B：沒有人看到我們倆的。 A：討厭！（捶B肩膀） B：小麗啊！你到底喜歡我哪一點啊？ A：不告訴你！ B：我長得不帥！ A：我不在乎！ B：我沒有錢啊！ A：我只要有你就行了。
B：我還有很多壞習慣得，喜歡抽煙，喝酒。 A：哪個男人不抽個煙喝點酒什么的啊。
B：我還會耍流氓！ A：你真討厭！男人不壞，女人不愛！ B：我四級還未過呢！ A：小兔崽四級沒過還有時間泡妞呀！也不撒泡尿照照！ B：就這樣 A：黃了，熟了，可以吃了。說真的，我也不比你好多少啊！ B：敢情你也有苦衷 A：哎，那一次我在225號公共巴士 B：去三好街，老擠了。
A：對了，人都快被擠成相片了。就在這擁擠不堪的巴士上，我是東搖西晃前赴后繼 一不小心—— B：撞死了。
A：你咋就不能說一句好話啊！撞死了誰做你的搭檔啊！踩到后面人的腳了。我回頭 一看，原來是一個身材魁梧，黃頭發，藍眼睛，白皮膚—— B：你說老外得了唄！ A：我一看是老外，咱可不能失態，于是我露出一個少男特有的迷人微笑：I'm sorry! B:Oh,I'm sorry too ! A：我這心一想：啊，人家老外 sorry two,Oh,I'm sorry three. B:What are you sorry for? A：哎呀！這老外是寸步不讓啊，他都Sorry four 了，不行，咱好歹也是學了七八年的 啞巴英語了，我連忙說Oh,Oh,Oh,I'm sorry five! B:Sorry five?HA !HA! HA ! A：這老外還敢取笑我，氣剎吾也！I'll give you some colour to see see! B：（模仿老外口音）什么？你要給我一點顏色看看！ A：我一聽，太他媽的傷自尊心了，于是一橫心就打算把這破英語搞好，做一個新時代 的有為青年（擺一個姿勢） B：對！咱倆好好學英語，有困難要學，沒有困難創造困難也要學。
A：到那時候《紐約時報》倒著看 B：百老匯大街都走遍 A：好來塢大片全部看 B：中文英文隨便 A：為社會作大貢獻 B：找女朋友的愿望得先實現！ A：只要英語學得好，不怕女朋友跟人跑。以后工作賺美鈔，四級優秀少不了。
B：啥也別說了，就在這兒背單詞吧！ A：還是回去吧，后面還有節目在排隊呢！ B：那走吧！（挽A的手）。
9.幽默雙簧臺詞
ly：大家好 y：今天能夠站在這里為大家表演，我們感到非常高興， l：唉，今天前面同事們的表演都精彩極了唱得比我好，跳得比你棒，咱倆要想拿冠軍得拿點絕活 y：就是，咱今天啊，給大家來點絕的？ l：來點什么呀？ y：咱們來點輕易不演的。
l：來點新鮮的 y：咱們倆來點什么。
l：來點什么？ y：銀槍刺喉 l：來，來不了 y：來一槍，這邊沒尖，這邊有尖，我來這沒尖的，你來有尖的那 l：完了，我就 y：玩兒唄 l：有這么玩的嗎，不象話 y：要不來那個大刀剁你 l：那叫大刀剁腹 y：可以啊 l：可以也得剁你啊 y：挺疼的，咱來點別的吧 l：來點什么呀？ y：來個雙懷怎么樣？ l：雙槐呀？來不了，那叫雙簧 y：雙簧你行嗎？ l：行嗎？你說是頭里還是后頭？都來得了 y：真的假的？ l：干嘛真的假的呀？ y：咱來一回？ l：來一回。 y：真的？ l：真的 y；你瞧瞧，我輕易的不演這個 l：我也不輕易演啊 y：太好了他需要一個人坐在那，一個人啊在后邊兒撅著（jue）。
l：撅著干嗎呀，蹲著 y：蹲著 l：嗯 y：那你來那坐著的？ l：我來頭里， y：我在后面蹲著 l：咱們這就開始？ y：不行，我得先給你化化妝 l：啊，還得化妝那，你行嗎 y：放心吧，保證國優、部優、省優三優產品。 l：一會兒我成產品了大伙瞅瞅這成嗎？ y：還沒畫完呢，這有個名，叫一餅，這叫白板 l：畫完了？ y：還有最后一樣道具， l：什么呀 y：嘿嘿，專業道具--沖天炮， l：這夠專業了吧？可以開始了吧？ y：還得先跟大伙說說這雙簧的規矩 l：哎，我這兒一抬手就開始了，我就不能再動了 y：再說話就是我的 l：開始 y：***你也有今天 大家看著，這可就開始了，他就不能動了，再動他得聽我的，你信不信？不信咱試試啊 把右胳膊伸出去，攥拳，食指伸出，往回圈，圈到嘴里去，咬，使勁咬 l：（站起來） y：唉怎么回事，你怎么站起來了？不是說好了聽我。
.. l：一會我指頭沒了，你缺德不缺德啊 y：你不是都聽我的嗎 l：都聽你的我手沒了。 y：那咱換一個？ l：換一個， y：來來坐下坐下 l：換個好的 y：說，有個結巴去放牛 后邊牽著小牛犢 將牛拉在井臺上 阿咚，牛犢掉在井里頭 結巴這才把人喊 說哎哎。
哎。
哎、、、哎來..來。來。
..來..人。來人那。
他..他.他他他、哎呦我、、、我、、、我我我我 我的牛。
牛。
我的牛犢掉、、、掉、、、掉、、掉掉掉掉、、、掉、、、掉掉掉 l：我不要了，我不要了 y：怎么了 l：你這叫什么呀 y：這有個名，叫憋死牛 l：啊，這牛沒憋死，把我憋死了我說你損不損啊你， y：怎么啦，這次不好啊？咱換別的呀 l：換個好的？ y：換各有文化檔次的 l：呦，我就喜歡有文化的 y：咱來段老話劇怎么樣 l：老話劇？我喜歡這個啊，好，就來段老話劇 y：這有個名啊，叫兄妹分別 l太好了，咱這就開始？ y：這就開始！ 各位落座沉住氣，看我們二人演段老話劇 劇情說的是表兄妹 依依不舍難分離 噢親愛的表妹，我馬上要離開你 噢親愛的表哥，你要到哪兒去？ 噢親愛的表妹，爸爸寫信讓我到富華酒店說相聲去 噢親愛的表哥我不讓你走 不，我馬上要走 嗯~~~~我不讓你走嘛 不我一定要走 嗯~~~~嗯~~~~我不讓你走嘛。
嗯~~~~嗯~~~~不讓你走嗯~~~~ l：你讓他走吧，你讓他走吧，我這腰都折了 y：這個怎么樣這個 l：什么玩意這都。
10.
《搞好英語》 A：大家晚上好嗎？（很痛苦，很無助地打招呼，待觀眾響應后） 可我過得不咋的啊！ B：哎！人活著真累，站著就想睡，去食堂還排隊，吃飯沒香味，學習啊，特疲憊！ 為啥啊？四六級唄！不和你們聊了，我要去綜合樓前的小樹林里背英語單詞了。
BYE BYE！（回頭面朝觀眾）我還不想當電燈泡呢！得了，就在這兒背吧！ A：（坐在地板上嘰里呱啦背單詞） B：日子過得好難，看到英語就煩，說是不想再考了那是扯淡，離我（扳手指數到7 ）第七次補考還剩三十二天了。 A：干（HA 念第二聲）呀？沒看到我在這兒背單詞？吵什么吵？ B：哦，不好意思。
我也想在這兒背一會兒單詞。 A：啥？你也在這兒背？這兒？（指地上）就這兒？ B：不錯，就這兒。
雖然地上臟了一點，將就一下算了。（收回A得手指） A：你還將就一下？對不起，我將非常鄭重而又沉重地對你宣稱：這個位子我已經占 了。
B：這兒也能占？怎么占啊？ A：看來你是不到黃河心不死，不見棺材不落淚。（從地上拿起一張“心相印”牌衛生紙） 看見了吧？一張衛生紙，“心相印”牌的（聞一下）賊香！ B：這——這——這也行啊！ A：占座四大件，大學都傳遍。
沒有書包用坐墊，沒有坐墊用名片，實在不行，衛生紙 鋪遍。地球人都知道。
（對B）就差你了。 B：好好，算你行！我是火星上來的行了吧？ A：不像（打量B）像土星上來的。
B：兄弟，咱倆還是背單詞吧。 A：干（HA 念第二聲）這么著急啊？補考四五次了吧？ B：（握A的手）知音知音啊！我補考六次了。
A：放開（甩A的手）誰是 你的知音啊！我才補考四次呢！ B：哎，因為這四級，我都和女朋友黃了。 A：啊！連鎖反應這么大啊了（努力擠眼淚，用吐沫摸在眼角扮眼淚同情0說出來哥 們和你一起分擔吧！ B：我不想說。
A：說啊！ B：俺不嘛！（作忸怩狀） A：說出來大家可以和你一起分擔嗎？免得憋在心里悶得慌，大伙兒說是不是啊？（ 提高聲音） B：哎！（低頭陷入無盡的往事回憶之中）那是在一個月朗風清的晚上 A：（張開雙手）ROMATIC! B：我拉著她的手，放在我手心（拉著A的手）我知道她根本沒有對我生氣（模仿 《沖動的懲罰》聲調） A：天還沒黑呢！（模仿B的女朋友） B：沒有人看到我們倆的。 A：討厭！（捶B肩膀） B：小麗啊！你到底喜歡我哪一點啊？ A：不告訴你！ B：我長得不帥！ A：我不在乎！ B：我沒有錢啊！ A：我只要有你就行了。
B：我還有很多壞習慣得，喜歡抽煙，喝酒。 A：哪個男人不抽個煙喝點酒什么的啊。
B：我還會耍流氓！ A：你真討厭！男人不壞，女人不愛！ B：我四級還未過呢！ A：小兔崽四級沒過還有時間泡妞呀！也不撒泡尿照照！ B：就這樣 A：黃了，熟了，可以吃了。說真的，我也不比你好多少啊！ B：敢情你也有苦衷 A：哎，那一次我在225號公共巴士 B：去三好街，老擠了。
A：對了，人都快被擠成相片了。就在這擁擠不堪的巴士上，我是東搖西晃前赴后繼 一不小心—— B：撞死了。
A：你咋就不能說一句好話啊！撞死了誰做你的搭檔啊！踩到后面人的腳了。我回頭 一看，原來是一個身材魁梧，黃頭發，藍眼睛，白皮膚—— B：你說老外得了唄！ A：我一看是老外，咱可不能失態，于是我露出一個少男特有的迷人微笑：I'm sorry! B:Oh,I'm sorry too ! A：我這心一想：啊，人家老外 sorry two,Oh,I'm sorry three. B:What are you sorry for? A：哎呀！這老外是寸步不讓啊，他都Sorry four 了，不行，咱好歹也是學了七八年的 啞巴英語了，我連忙說Oh,Oh,Oh,I'm sorry five! B:Sorry five?HA !HA! HA ! A：這老外還敢取笑我，氣剎吾也！I'll give you some colour to see see! B：（模仿老外口音）什么？你要給我一點顏色看看！ A：我一聽，太他媽的傷自尊心了，于是一橫心就打算把這破英語搞好，做一個新時代 的有為青年（擺一個姿勢） B：對！咱倆好好學英語，有困難要學，沒有困難創造困難也要學。
A：到那時候《紐約時報》倒著看 B：百老匯大街都走遍 A：好來塢大片全部看 B：中文英文隨便 A：為社會作大貢獻 B：找女朋友的愿望得先實現！ A：只要英語學得好，不怕女朋友跟人跑。以后工作賺美鈔，四級優秀少不了。
B：啥也別說了，就在這兒背單詞吧！ A：還是回去吧，后面還有節目在排隊呢！ B：那走吧！（挽A的手）。
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