華閱文章網1.急求一篇：英語雙人相聲,搞笑的,還要帶翻譯的
A: well, this is not small X?
甲：唷，這不是小X嗎？
B: well, is a small X ah, what are you doing recently?
乙：唷，是小X啊，最近忙什么哪？
A: hi, do not have what matter, play chess, old didn't see you he, is he ok?
甲：嗨，沒啥事，下下象棋，老沒見你們老爺子了，他還好嗎？
B: Joe your blessing, also is hale and hearty.
乙：托您福，還硬朗著呢。
A: your father also like playing chess.
甲：你爸爸也喜歡下象棋。
B: yes, it is
乙：是啊
A: don't, before I'm old and your father play chess.
甲：可不，以前我老和你爸爸下棋。
B: that's right
乙：沒錯
A: once we both play chess, I still remain a then, your father still remain a like。
甲：有一回我們倆下棋，我還剩一士，你爸爸還剩一象。
B: that's not a draw?
乙：那不和棋了嗎？
A: yes, as I am also a draw, but your father not stem, must then down not?
甲：是啊，依著我也是和棋，可你爸爸不干，非得接著下不可？
B: ah??????? How do the next?
乙：啊？？那怎么下呀？
A: ha ha, your father has idea.
甲：呵呵，你爸爸有主意。
B: any idea?
乙：什么主意？
A: your dad said "don't let's and the like are!"
甲：你爸爸說了“要不咱們士象都過河吧。”
甲：B: never heard of it！ 乙：沒聽說過！
A: then what your father like just across the river, I taxi also across the river, you dad took his like like me, I will take my taxi and your father。 Your dad to like me, and I'll then your father, your father like me, I and your father, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa。
甲：然后呢你爸爸的象就過河了，我的士也過河了，你爸爸就拿他的象象我，我
就拿我的士士你爸爸。。。你爸爸再象我，我再士你爸爸，你爸爸象我，我士你爸爸
你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我
我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸。
B: go to your!!!!!
乙：去你的吧！！
2.2人英語簡短搞笑劇本
(At Salesman's home)
N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I'm the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular，（展示），I don't know why. The foolish students always come here. I'll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It's time to make candies now.（看表）
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.（邊說邊做）
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it！（滿不在意的神情）
Press, press……
Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it's OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
3.2人英語小品劇本2分鐘
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老師正在講課，彼得打起瞌睡來了。
Teacher: Peter!Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老師：彼得！你說說，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well。.eyelids。.
彼得： 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What?Eyelids?
老師：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老師。因為我眼睛一閉，眼皮就把世界上所有的東西都遮住了。
4.兩人簡單的英語對話搞笑的
A:what is your name？ 你叫啥名？
B:Hu胡（諧音：誰）
A:you~你
B:Hu~胡
A:Who？誰？
B:yes, I am~是，我就是
A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字
B:Hu胡啊
A:You！你！
B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊
A:So tell me about it那就告訴我啊
B:Hu！胡！
A:You! What is your name！？ 你！你叫啥名？！
B:Hu is my name！我就叫胡
A:O~哦
5.急需2人英語小品
A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, "I'd like you to repair these shoes for me, please."
"Certainly, sir," the shoemaker said.
"When will they be ready?" the man asked.
"I'm a bit busy, but they'll probably be ready for you on Thursday," he said.
"That's fine," the man said, and left the shop.
The next morning he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hors he was on an airplane to his new job.
Twenty years passed and he returned to his hometown.
He remembered his shoes.
"They were a good pair of shoes," he thought. "I wonderif the shoemaker is still there and still has them. I'll go and see."
He was pleased to see that the shoemaker was still in the same shop, although he was an old man by now.
"Good morning," he said to him. "Twenty years ago, Ibrought in a pair of shoes to be repaired. Do you think you've still got them?"
"Name?" the old shoemaker asked.
"Smith," the man said.
"I'll go and see. They may be out back."
The shoemaker went out to the back of his shop and a few minutes later returned, carrying the pair of shoes.
"Here we are," he said. "One pair of brown shoes to be repaired. I'm a bit busy now but they'll probably be ready on Thursday."
6.英語2人小品劇本帶翻譯
An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King 悟空：師傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。
Master, are you tired? Let's have a rest.唐僧：沒關系，前面不遠就有人家了，到了那里再休息吧。 I am fine. Let's have a rest later. Look! There is a house over there.悟空仔細地攙扶唐僧繼續行走，同時另一邊老頭、老媽、小媳婦出場。
小媳婦（做哭狀）：爹、媽，我…… Daddy, mommy, I, I … 老頭：女兒，快走吧，不然那豬精來了，就走不了了。 Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon.小媳婦走幾步又回頭跑回老媽的懷里，抱頭痛哭。
老頭在一邊嘆息，擦淚。唐僧、悟空走到他們面前。
悟空：師傅，到了。Master, here we are.唐僧（走到老頭面前行禮，悟空看見了正在哭的母女倆，覺得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是從 東土大唐前往西天取經的和尚，想借貴地休息一晚，不知方便否？Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight？老頭（做哽咽狀）：哦，是東土大唐來的高僧啊，可以可以。
（別過臉去繼續哭泣） Oh, you are the monk from the east. Sure. Sure, come in, please …… 唐僧正在奇怪，老媽聞聲抬起頭，仔細打量唐僧，突然撲到唐僧面前。老媽：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女兒，救救我們一家啊。
Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要傷心，有什么事慢慢說。Don't be sad, madam. Take it easy. What happened？老頭：高僧有所不知，我們這里有一只豬精，今天要來跟我女兒成親，大家都斗不過它，現在正 準備把女兒送出去逃避 Master, there is a spirit here. He wants to marry my daughter, tonight. We are all afraid of him. 唐僧：施主莫怕，我這徒弟本領高強，也許他能幫上你們。
Calm down, sir. My apprentice has great capability. Maybe, he can help you.老頭：唉，高僧啊，以前也來過自稱本領高強的師傅，結果都被這豬精打跑了。今天你們就躲著 別出來了吧。
Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable. But every time, they were defeated by the spirit. You'd better keep away tonight.悟空：噢，有這么厲害的妖怪？我倒要會他一會。待會你們只管躲起來，外面發生什么事，都不 用管。
What? Is the spirit really so strong? I'd like to see how great he is. All of you just stay inside. Don't come out no matter what happens.這時起了風聲（音樂），老頭一家嚇得站起來混身發抖。小媳婦嚇得直往老媽懷里鉆。
悟空鎮定 地舉手示意，讓師傅及老頭一家人躲到房間里面去。自己也手搭涼篷看了看，便不慌不忙地也躲 在了門后，露出一段紅袖子。
豬八戒大笑著耀武揚威地走上場來，嘴里大喊：小娘子，我來了。Darling, here I am.站在臺上停一下，見沒有動靜，覺得奇怪，往房屋里看去，見露出一段紅袖子，高興地一拍手掌。
八戒：小娘子還害羞呢，不敢出來見老豬嗎？來，來，來，我們就要是夫妻了，還害什么羞呀。Darling, don't be so shy! Please come to me. Come on, we will be a couple. 豬八戒跑上去輕輕拉住紅袖子，把小娘子拖了出來，小娘子作出害羞的樣子，有時又做出猴子的 模樣。
八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我雖然長得丑，但本領高強，一定會讓你過上好日子的。Darling, don't be afraid. Although I am ugly, I am so powerful. I am sure that I can make you happy. 小娘子笑著點頭，抓耳撓腮。
八戒：小娘子，你高興的時候干嘛要像猴子一樣？Darling, why do you look like a monkey ？小娘子：我一高興就覺得癢，所以就抓一抓。When I am happy, I always tickle.八戒：高興就好，高興就好。
我們快入洞房吧。Fine, let's go to the bedroom.八戒拉住小娘子就往房子里面鉆。
小娘子作出動腦筋的樣子，又把八戒拉回來。八戒：哇，小娘子，你好大的力氣啊，干嘛把我拉出來啊？Darling. Why are you so powerful？小娘子：夫君，你這模樣進去會嚇著我的父母的，還是去你家里吧。
Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents. We'd better go to your home.八戒：去我家？那太好了，我們這就走吧。Go to my house?OK. that's a great idea. Let's go.兩人走了幾步，小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的樣子，八戒忙扶起她，作出痛惜的樣子。
小女子：我一個弱女子，哪里能走這么遠？夫君背我吧。I cannot walk any further. Can you carry me on your back？八戒：背你？好，好，好。
誰讓你是我的媳婦呢？Carry you on my back? All right. You're my wife after all. Come on.八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我們這就出發了。Darling, Let's go.小女子（在八戒頭上一點）：走吧，呆子。
Okay. Let's go.音樂響起（直到八戒摔倒）。八戒在臺上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的樣子。
小女子在他背 上抓耳撓腮，非常高興。八戒：小娘子，你怎么這么重啊？Darling, why are you so heavy？ 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me？） 八戒：不，不，不，我背，我背。
Yes, I do. I do. 繼續艱難地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。
八戒體力不支，一跤摔倒。
7.兩人英語對話搞笑小品
The Mean Man's Party 吝嗇鬼的聚會 The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?" 2： 老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.并讓同學們翻譯。
有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。” 小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet？ 老師說：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下來。
過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet？ 老師說：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？ 小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！ 3: hey,that lady, i like you ,will you be my girlfiend? -oh,sorry ,i think you have to make your face changed first, you are too handsome to be looked at. everybody was dancing while a blonde alone in an armchair. just then, she was happy to see a handsome young man coming towards her. "are you going to dancing ?"asked the man pleassntly. "yes,"she whispered. 4: how are you ？怎么是你？ how old are you ？怎么老是你？。
8.跪求一篇簡短的兩人搞笑英文對話
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.
一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學生多了解一點優秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會。
To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocsandices.
為了使這次活動能給大家留下更深的印象，她請大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點心、巧克力和冰淇淋。
Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today, honey?"
在大家回來上汽車的時候，她問小薩莉：“親愛的，你今天玩得好嗎？”
"Oh, yes, miss" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
“哦，好極了，小姐，”薩莉說，“除了音樂其他都很好。”
9.誰有簡短的,容易的英語相聲
一、Little Red Riding Hood 第一場：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： （媽媽拿著一個籃子，把桌子上的水果放在籃子里） Little Red Riding Hood：（唱著歌，歡快地跑進來）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一邊把水果放在籃子里，心事重重地說）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood：（邊提起籃子，邊點頭說）Ok! Mum： （親切地看著Little Red Riding Hood說） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood: Yes ,*e, mummy. Mum: Bye-bye. Darling. 第二場：在路上 （一陣輕快的音樂由遠而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎著籃子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁） Little Red Riding Hood: Wow!Flowers, how beautiful！ （放下籃子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers. Wolf:(wolf大步地走上臺)I am wolf. I am hungry. （做找東西狀，東張西望） Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going？ （做狡猾的樣子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼） Little Red Riding Hood：（手摸辮子，天真地回答）To Grandma'*a is ill. Wolf：（自言自語）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（對Little Red Riding Hood說）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks. Little Red Riding Hood：（和6只鴨子隨著音樂翩翩起舞） Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大樹后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks,how are you? Six Ducks:We' re * you. Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood:To Grandma'*, I must go, bye. Six Ducks:Goodbye. 第三場：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘著氣出場，顫顫悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床邊，喘了幾口，打幾個哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（從樹后出來，邊走邊說）I am very hungry now. （做找尋的樣子）Where is Grandma' s house？ （高興地對觀眾說）Aha , it's here.（敲門）Bang, Bang, Bang. Grandma: Who is it? Wolf：（裝出Little Red Riding Hood的聲音，一邊得意地搖動尾巴，一邊說）It's me. Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma： （邊說邊起床） Come in, come in. Wolf：（得意洋洋地走到床邊） Grandma , I'll eat you. Grandma： （驚慌失措地抓緊衣服，瞪著眼睛，邊叫迫從床上滾到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翹起大拇指）Yummy!I'll sleep. Little Red Riding Hood：（高興地敲門）*a. Wolf：（裝扮成Grandma的聲音） Who is it? Little Red Riding Hood:It's me。
Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf:Come in, Come in. Little Red Riding Hood：（蹦跳著進來，把籃子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回幾步）Oh! What are big ears! Wolf:I can listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Riding Hood:Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf:I can see you pretty face. Little Red Riding Hood:Oh! What a big hand. Wolf:I can hug you. Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，邊摸邊說）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：（從床上跳起來說）I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：（拼命地跑）Oh!No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃狀，拍拍肚子說）It's delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping. Hunter： （一邊拿著槍，一邊做尋找狀出場）Where's the wolf? Look! A door.（推門）The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：（發出呼呼的響聲） Hunter： （端起槍想打，又放下）What a big stomach！ （摸摸Wolf的肚子）Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry.（從桌子上拿起剪刀，舉起） Look! Scissors. （做剪Wolf的肚子）Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma:Thank you. Hunter: Grandma ,give me some needles and thread. Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones. Grandma： （從桌子上拿來針線） Little Red Riding Hood：（搬來幾個石頭）One, two, three. Hunter： （把小石頭裝進Wolf的衣服里） Grandma: I'll thread it. Hunter： （拿起槍）Woke up! Wolf：（起床，兩手托著大肚子）My stomach is so heavy. Hunter: You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：（邊跑邊說） Help! Don't shot me! Hunter： （開槍）Bang, bang! Wolf： （應聲倒下） Hunter: The bad wolf is dead. Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma:Yeah! Thank you. 二、T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear （ 狐假虎威） Tiger: I'm a great tiger. I'm very strong. I'm very brave. I'm the king of the * now I'm very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I'll die immediately. Oh, there's nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly) Fox: I'm a fox. You can see, I'm pretty and lovely. I'm good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister!。
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