華閱文章網1.英語小笑話,越簡單越好
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 （2） nest n.窩；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓勵 （5） resemble v. 相似；類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”
那孩子回答說。 “那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 （2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀。
2.簡單的英語小笑話
選一選吧 1Fine for Parking Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully（尊敬地）， "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong. *-help I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like) 3.I Couldn't Digest So Many Apples Doctor gravely（嚴肅地）： "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead." Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest（消化） so many apples." * This a Question A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam. 5.A Dollar Per Point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.。
3.急需：英語小笑話,簡單短小,而且超級爆笑
* it a boy or a girlA: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.B: I'm not. I'm her mother.翻譯：是男孩還是女孩？A：看看那個留短發和藍色牛仔褲的年輕人。
是男孩還是女孩？B：是個女孩。她是我的女兒。
A：哦，對不起，先生。我不知道你是她的父親。
B：我不是。我是她的媽媽。
* uglyMary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..翻譯：非常丑陋的瑪麗：約翰說我很漂亮。安迪說我很丑。
你覺得怎么樣，彼得？彼得：我覺得你很丑。* fartA man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem."Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"The doctor replies:"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."翻譯：沉默的屁：沉默的屁一個人走進醫生的辦公室，遇到了一個嚴重的問題。
“醫生，我在無聲氣體排放方面有問題。在家里，工作，甚至在教堂，我放出無數的無聲屁，無論我走到哪里！事實上，我坐在這里和你談過三次。
我們該怎么辦？”醫生回答說：“我們要做的第一件事就是檢查你的聽力。”* tax with a smileA: I hate paying my income tax.B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?A: I'd like to but they insist on money！翻譯：A：我討厭付所得稅。
B：你應該是個好公民——你為什么不微笑著付錢呢？A：我很愿意，但是他們堅持要錢！* his placeAn attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor."So, what is it?" grumbled the governor."Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."翻譯：代替他：取代他的位置午夜過后，一位律師打電話給州長，堅持要他跟他談一件非常緊急的事情。一個助手最終同意喚醒州長。
“那么，這是什么呢？”州長抱怨道。“Garber法官剛剛去世，”律師說，“我想接替他的位置。”
州長回答說：“好吧，如果殯儀館還好的話，我就可以了。”5.I'm SickOne day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the *: Hamid, the doctor is here to see *: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.翻譯：我生病了一天，哈米德感到很不舒服，他去了醫院。
護士：哈米德，醫生來見你。哈米德：告訴他，我看不見他。
我病了。向姑姑道歉爸爸：“兒子，你怎么稱呼你的阿姨傻？”去跟她說聲對不起。”
兒子：（走到姨媽跟前）“阿姨，對不起你是個笨蛋。”* sorry to auntDad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."*g loveGirl: Do you love me?Boy: Yes, *: Would you die for me?Boy: No, mine is undying love.翻譯：永恒的愛：永恒的愛女孩：你愛我嗎？男孩：是的，親愛的。
女孩：你愿意為我而死嗎？男孩：不，我的愛是永恒的擴展資料：look at看； 審視； 評判； 接受young person(14-17歲的)未成年人； 少年short hair短頭發blue jeans藍色斜紋布褲子，牛仔褲do you你愿意嗎fart<諱>放屁； 討厭的人； 令人厭煩的人； 蠢人walks步態（ walk的名詞復數 ）； 人行道； 步行的路徑； 走，步行，散步（ walk的第三人稱單數 ）； 出現； 陪伴…走； 徒步旅行'vehave 的縮略形式At home在家； 在國內； 在家接待客人； 精通and even乃至。
4.求英語簡短小笑話 5句 10個
1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch *:There is no electricity *:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on. 邁克：媽媽，我想看電視。
媽媽：今晚停電了。邁克：那我們就點著蠟燭看吧。
* Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 魚網 "你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。 "把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。
" 小女孩回答道。3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
4. I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue！ " 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 “是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”
5. A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。
她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。
她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？”6. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 -- 他真是一個大人物。
干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。
在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。
這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。” * little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
9. Bring me the winner —- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。 -- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 10. Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年輕者” 這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。
如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬別進退休社區。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。
每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。”。
5.簡短的英語小笑話
塞翁失馬 焉知非福 （Blessing or Bane）
Once upon a time, there was a man named Saiweng. He lived near China's northern borders. His
horse went into the land of northern people. His neighbors all felt sorry for him. "Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.
After a few months, his horse came back with another fine horse from the north. Everyone congratulated him.
"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a bad luck," said Saiweng.
Before long, his son became fond of riding. One day he fell from a horse and broke his leg. Again, his neighbors all felt sorry for him.
"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.
One year later, the northern people started a war along the border. All the strong young men took up arms and fought against the invaders. Most of them died. But Saiweng's son did not join in the fighting because he was lame so both of them survived.
很久以前，有個人叫塞翁。他住在北部邊疆。塞翁養的馬跑進了北邊民族的地盤。他的鄰居們都為他感到難過。
“也許這會是件好事呢！”塞翁說。
幾個月后，塞翁的馬自己跑回了家，還帶了一匹好馬回來。人們都去向他道賀。
塞翁卻說：“也許這不是什么好事呢！”
沒多久，塞翁的兒子就喜歡上了騎馬，一天他從馬上掉了下來，摔斷了腿。鄰居們都替塞翁難過。
“也許這會是件好事呢！”塞翁卻說。
一年后，北方的民族大舉入侵，年青人都被征集參軍去打仗。死了很多人。塞翁的兒子卻因為摔斷了腿不能去當兵，從而保住了性命。
6.簡短的英語笑話帶翻譯
Feel Unhappy.心里難受
Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?
Father: Of cause, it is.
Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.
Father(angrily): What? You------
兒子：是不是當心里難受時，就不應該再給他精神或肉體上的刺激？
父親：那當然！
兒子：那好，這次我有兩門功課不及格，我現在心里很難受。
父親（氣憤地）：什么？你……
It's not that. 不是那樣的。
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn't raining.
A：我看見7個女孩共撐一把傘卻沒有一個被淋濕。
B：啊？那一定是把很大的傘吧！
A：不是，當時并沒有下雨。
Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon's name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven't you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.
兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。
媽媽：你只關心這個嗎？不會比一下其它東西？
兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
7.簡短的英語笑話
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告訴 （2） nest n.窩；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓勵 （5） resemble v. 相似；類似 18.鳥窩與頭發 我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”
那孩子回答說。 “那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 （2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。 我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么？” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。
接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。
我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？” 英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。
你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。
雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家。
8.最簡單的英語笑話
I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我負責 一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
“快點，小姐！”他喊道：“請把門關上。” “噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”
她回答道。 “請把門關上好了，”列車員說：“其余的事由我負責。”
Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday？" 安眠藥 鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老板說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。”
“好啊！”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？” A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. "What's in here?" he asked. "Dirt," the driver replied. "Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them." Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go. A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck. "What's in the bags this time?" he asked. "Dirt, more dirt." said the man. Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil. The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time." Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars." 走私犯 一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。
“里面裝的是什么？”他問道。 “土。”
司機回答。 “把袋子拿出來”，哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”
那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋里除了土以外，別無他特。
哨兵很不情愿地讓他通過了。 一周后，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。
“這次袋子里裝的是什么？”他問道。 “土，又運了一些土。”
那人回答。 哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。
同樣的事情每周重演一次，一共持續了六個月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，干脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。
有天夜里，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。
你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什么東西？” 那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：“汽車。” Skunk "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?" "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open." Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher. "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there！" 臭 鼬 “我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打電話的人對警察調度員尖叫道。
“我們怎樣才能把它弄出來？” “弄一些面包屑，”調度員說，“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開。”
一段時間后，那位居民又將電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎？”調度員問。
“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。” Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性 垂釣者：你已經盯著看了三個小時了，你干嘛不自己親自釣呢？ 旁觀者：我沒那耐性。
Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. 。
9.一篇短篇英語笑話
1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的借口 老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到？ 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。
" DID YOUR DAD。 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道："我受不了你這個苯蛋了！" 吉姆說："你媽媽能！" 附：bear 有兩重意思："生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." 5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of * Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴。
湯米回來后，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎？” “是的，媽媽。”湯米回答，“我把它們都試過了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！ 開車 父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。 蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You'er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents * why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆。”
他回答說。“你真是一個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說. “再給你兩分錢。
可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。” 8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I'd know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。
他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說，“他的耳朵還在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。 學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
10.簡短的英文笑話
my little dog can't read :
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”